Dude, Where Are My Wednesday One-Liners?

Suit on cell: You know, in the 80s everyone and their brother were making limos in their basement.

–17th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vespa

(obnoxious pimped-out car revs up at stop sign, then tears down the road)
Old guy: That guy's goin' back to the future! 88 miles per hour!

–9th & Stuyvesant

Tough-looking woman to younger one: Let me teach you how to break into a car…

–27th b/w 6th & 5th

Overheard by: Kyle

Russian guy on cell (in Russian): I am not seeing her as a woman, I am seeing her as a potential driver of a vehicle.

–Lower East Side

50-something woman: I haven't seen a good pimpmobile since the seventies. I mean, what happened to all the purple, maroon, and gold? What is all of this crap with yellow hummers and black Escalades these days, it's like all the pimps went to finishing school sometime in 1981.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Graham Davis

Posted on October 11, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Foreigners, Guys, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, Suits, Threats, Union Square and East Village, West Village, Women

She Had Mock-Resistant Implants

Dude #1: So they made fun of her?
Dude #2: No, no one would make fun of her, she had big boobs.

–Central Park

Posted on October 4, 2014
Body Parts, Central Park, Guys, Rack

Wednesday One-Liner Often Wonder How It Started To Be Spelled That Way

Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.

–W 27th St

Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.

–SoHo

Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.

–7th Ave

Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.

–L Train

Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.

–Kaleidoscope, E 10th St

College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on September 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cum, Dating, Drinks, Drunks, Etiquette, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hootchies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Union Square and East Village, Words

Jim Henson’s Charles Manson Babies!

Little boy stabbing balloon man with a balloon sword: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Balloon man: Goodbye! Be good, everyone!
Little boy, still stabbing: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Rick Felice

Headline by: Matthew

Runners-Up:

· “And if that doesn’t do it, I challenge you to water pistols at dawn!” – Cynthia

· “Except you, kid. You go fuck yourself.” – ImmaculatePizza

· “He Who Lives By The Balloon…” – Hobo Whisperer

· “You too, Brutus.” – Aeirlys

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 28, 2014
Central Park, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Should've Used a Condom, Stab

Um, You Never See Shrubs in the White House?

Kid #1, after playing hide-and-seek: So where were you?
Kid #2: I hid in the bush.
Kid #3, yelling and throwing hands in the air in disgust: No! You weren't hiding in the bush, you were hiding in the shrubs. Doesn't anybody know the difference between bushes and shrubs?!

–Central Park

Posted on September 28, 2014
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Parks, Questions, Words

Ironically, She Hates Chunky Monkey

Chick: I could never run a whole marathon.
Guy: Maybe if you were chasing a Ben and Jerry’s truck.

–Central Park

Posted on September 26, 2014
Central Park, Diet/Weight, Fitness

Like my sister.

Man: I am concerned about breeding.
Friend: Breeding?!
Man: Yeah, you know — Jews are pretty inbred. I’m probably going to have kids with three fingers or something. I should have married someone into running — big and athletic.

–Central Park Reservoir

Headline by: Brooklyn Twang

Runners-Up:
· “But Jews Do Run. They Run Everything.” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Instead Of That Gimp Cousin Of Mine” – Uberjim
· “The E in EHarmony Stands for Eugenics” – quazarfreez
· “The Final Solution 2.0” – Scott Gresham
· “They’re Called Germans: But They May Not Be So Into That…” – Caitorade
· “You Know, Someone Who Could Win a “Master Race”” – Mike T

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 25, 2014
Babies, Central Park, Friends, Headline Contest Winners, Jews, Judaism, Marriage, Men, Questions

Not Done Saying Goodbye to The Gates

Old woman: Well, they really aren’t that bad.
Old man: Yeah right!

–The Gates

Overheard by: meg

Guy: It cost them like $23 million to put up. I would have liked it more if they paid half as much.
Girl: I would have liked it more if it was a different color. It was described as saffron. It’s not. It’s orange.

–The Gates

Overheard by: bluesdog