Compare/Contrast

Oh, Puke, It's Wednesday One-Liners!

Teenybopper: I was going to see Legally Blonde, but then I threw up in Kmart twice.

–Delacourte Theater, before Hair

Overheard by: Morgan

Girl to another: It's easy–you just put your finger down your throat and you vomit!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Sarah

Guy on laptop to woman sitting next to him: Sorry if I make throw-up noises, no offense.

–Penn Station, NJ Transit

Overheard by: altaatlantic

Girl on cell: Oh my god. Like if that meal wasn't so expensive, I would have thrown it up!

–3rd Ave & 8th St

Overheard by: rachel

Teenage girl on payphone: Ma? Hey ma? Hold on. (vomits) I'm throwing up! (vomits some more) I *said* I'm (vomits a third time) throwing up. I'm done now. What?

–Wilson Ave, Bushwick

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Girl to friend, while smoking: So there I was, puking…and they started to have sex!

–Third and Long Bar

Inspired by the Bestseller You Can Live to Be Thirty!

20-something #1: You are so different than you were in middle school!
20-something #2: I know, I just quit smoking.

–68th & Columbus

Overheard by: Allison

Exactly.

40-something Spanish woman to 15-year-old son: What kind of a retard are you? You're just like your father!
(son looks around nervously)
Father, standing next to her: Wait, what?

–Canal & Centre

Overheard by: Einstien

And I'd Need at Least 850 to Put on a Good Show

Boyfriend: I don't want to go to your house cuz there is no privacy.
Girlfriend: Well, I don't want to go to your house cuz it's too open…you have like 700 people living there and they walk in and out as they please.

–3 Train

And His Wife Was a Great Lay

Cranky old guy: I used to get so goddamn pissed at that old rat bastard Frankie. Sometimes I wanted to snuff him out. He was a good dude, though, y'know?
Old buddies #1 and #2: Word!

–Bergen St, Brooklyn

…in South America!

Flight attendant to passenger wearing a necklace of Africa: That's a pretty necklace. What state is it? Texas?
Passenger: Actually, no. It's Africa.
Flight attendant: Oh! It's not a state, it's a country!

–LaGuardia Airport

Not One of Those Kenyan Italians

Brooklyn girl #1: He was more Italian than regular DJs?
Brooklyn girl #2: He was European Italian.

–Bay Ridge

Overheard by: not italian or a dj

Let's Just Go to Prada and Pet the Leopard Print

Five-year-old girl: Mommy! Taking the train is fun! It's like going to the zoo! (points to several rats on the tracks)
Mother: Yes darling, just remember it's not a petting zoo! (frantically pulls her daughter away from the platform).

–Pacific St N Line

How Come Math Majors Are Always the Slowest to Understand This Concept?

Nerdy guy: I don't understand what the significance of the number 69 is. Can someone explain it to me?
Girl: You go to NYU and you don't know that?
(nerdy guy shakes his head)
Girl: To put it bluntly, it's two people giving each other head.
Nerdy guy: Wait, but what does that mean?
Girl: Oh my god…I can't tell you that now. You're the most innocent guy here. It would be like killing a unicorn.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

The Wrong Way to Acquire Insight

Pretty girl: So are the fries here good?
Foreign cashier: Yes, de fries here–they are like your eyes. They are very beautiful. You will not forget de taste.
Pretty girl: Oh, thank you…
Foreign cashier: Yes, you eat de fries, I eat your eyes. Yes!

–Burger Joint, The Village

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