Man #1: …so it was like a gilded lily.
Man #2: Ha ha. What does that mean, exactly?
Man #1: Well, a lily is already beautiful, so it doesn’t have to be, y’know, gilded.
Man #2: Like the gays?
Man #1: Exactly.
–Xing, 9th Ave & 52nd St.
Overheard by: C. Marisol de la Rosa
Lady: They’ve got psychiatrists for dogs. They’ve even got their own cemeteries. They’ve got more things than kids!
–Eckerd’s, Bensonhurst
Younger brother: I wish I could jump over buildings like Spider-man.
Older sister: Little buildings or really tall buildings?
Younger brother: Tall buildings.
Older sister: I bet you could. Why don’t you try it sometime?
–M14 bus
Dowager: What we really need to do is to educate these poor people so they don’t have sex. It’s the poor people who keep spreading all the STDs and the AIDS. Do you know any rich people with STDs? I didn’t think so.
–MoMA cafe
Lady #1: I can’t believe she said those things. She was so politically incorrect.
Lady #2: Well what did you expect her to say?
Lady #1: Something humanly correct.
–Shubert Theatre, 44th Street
Woman #1: Oh God, I think I’m getting a horrible yeast infection.
Woman #2: Making bagels down there, huh?
Woman #1: Oh no, I’m not Jewish. I’m making Irish Soda Bread.
–Penn Station
Girl #1: I have nothing green to wear on Thursday.
Girl #2: What do you mean, you don’t own any green? You’re Irish! Green is our color! Along with beer.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Christa Bramberger
Chick: So, I’m smart, right? I mean, I consider myself smarter than the average woman. So I go to this interview, and they give me this test, a long test like the SATs. And I’m drunk. So I get a call later, “Sorry, you didn’t do as well as we’d hoped.”
–F train
Wife: Do whatever you want…it’s not my mother who died!
–JFK
A scruffy guy is on his cell in an otherwise silent internet cafe. His thoughts: No…it’s not in the heart of the city…it’s like the artery.
You remember that postcard of New York I sent you for your birthday? I think you can see my building if you look closely…well you know the best pictures of it are in books, and I love you guys, you’re my family, but I’m not about to spend $15 on one of those books.
Yeah…I came up with this great analogy yesterday. I said, “If you know little math problems and little words, you’ll make a little money, but if you know big problems and big words, you get lotsa money!…I know, I know, I think they got it!
Yeah, well you know 80% of the people I work with are spanish…its not like that in Spokane…so everything here revolves around them…but you know what? The other day one of the girls came up to me and said, “Everyone thinks you’re such a nice guy”. That was so nice; I wasn’t even trying…I didn’t know they thought that…see I apply all the stuff you taught me and incorporate it into my lifestyle.
–Internet cafe, E. 33rd between 5th and Madison
Teen Girl 1: Omigod, she totally promised to stay after and help me take audition pictures, and she bailed on me.
Teen Girl 2: Yeah, she’s like the French: “Ve vill help you America! Zhust kidding…ve have to go drink coffee and eat croissants now!”
–Lincoln Center
Girl: Well, Shakespeare thought women were more smart.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: nappytee
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, so she has her own nail business now. You know, she mixes her own colors and everything.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, kind of like Satan.
–79th & Broadway
