Guy: I was never any good at sports…I’ve watched the Superbowl a few times.
–Flatiron office
Lady on phone: Yeah, they have seat fillers at the Oscars and other award shows, you didn’t know that? It’s so when they pan over the audience it doesn’t look like a Mets game.
–40th Street office
Overheard by: Clay Caviness
Guy: I’m not going to be the only guy at the hockey party holding an apple turnover.
–Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: Christopher Miner
Girl #1: Ugh! He gave me the biggest hickey on one of my tits! Gross!
Girl #2: Well, at least it was a hickey and not a burning sensation when you pee!
–Union Square
Chick #1: Do you think I should have another Texas-sized margarita?
Chick #2: I think your eyes are bigger than your liver.
–Dallas BBQ, 166th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Chick: I think the difference between a blog and a website is that a blog is something you can set up without doing any of that website shit.
—Black Table party, Slainte, The Bowery
The train door squeaks constantly.
Fat guy: That’s what it sounds like in my bedroom!
Old lady: Yeah, before you get home from work.
–Metro-North train
Store guy: I don’t get it. If I lost my kid for 5 minutes I’d be crazy.
Customer man: You’d be hysterical. You’d be a madman.
Store guy: Meanwhile, the kid must have been in the store for 45 minutes before I noticed him!
–Quails, SI mall
Chick: Do you trust me with your CDs? I’ll try not to scratch them or anything.
Dude: I trust you with my balls. I think I’m OK with you touching my CDs.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
Hobo: She’s fine, I’d fuck her…her too. And that one. And….ooh, not her, you can have that one.
–Madison Square Park
Old hobo: Who the fuck said black people are dangerous? The next person I hear say that I am throwing in the next dumpster!
–40th & 8th
Hobo: People, if you do not have a useable skill and/or a good pussy, you do not get that train ticket home!
–Times Square
Guy on cell: You’ve got the best job: being a mom.
–42nd between 6th & Madison
Woman: …maybe because I got my period in the 4th grade and looked like everybody’s mother by the 6th grade. I was huge.
–27th street office
Mom: Now, this is not the Louvre, so don’t be jaded or anything.
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Cat Pop
Drunk: If a woman hadda right to choose where I come from, I wouldn’t be here today!
–Odessa Cafe, Avenue A
Overheard by: Ted Lattis
Chick: I saw my mother on stage in underwear and a bra with motorized tassels…
–13th & 5th
Overheard by: Caroline Norris
Man #1: …so it was like a gilded lily.
Man #2: Ha ha. What does that mean, exactly?
Man #1: Well, a lily is already beautiful, so it doesn’t have to be, y’know, gilded.
Man #2: Like the gays?
Man #1: Exactly.
–Xing, 9th Ave & 52nd St.
Overheard by: C. Marisol de la Rosa
