Overly enthusiastic customer: So I heard that they are coming out with a 32 gb iPhone for Christmas. Like a red product thing for Christmas. Is that true?
Overly perky Apple employee: Well, sir, I wouldn't know because I'm Jewish and whenever they have Christmas meetings, they kick me out of the room.
–Apple Store SoHo, Prince & Greene St
Overheard by: are they allowed to say that?
Shop assistant: Would you like a $3 discount or $5 discount?
Aussie girl buying shoes: Well, that's a stupid question!
Shop assistant: No! That's not a stupid question!
–Shoe Store, 42nd St
Overheard by: ALINA
Customer: Do you have flypaper?
Store clerk: Yeah. On the counter.
Customer: Does it work on moths?
Store clerk: It should.
Customer: What if it doesn't?
Store clerk: Then move.
–Hardware Store
Blockbuster employee, reading newspaper: I've never heard of these airlines. Qatar?
Customer: It's a country.
–Blockbuster Store
Audience member in bar: Could I have a glass of wine?
Volunteer bartender: Sure, light or dark?
Audience member: Umm…red, please.
–White Wave Dance, Brooklyn
Bartender: You're in it, right?
Customer: Yeah. I usually do work when I drink. I need to be drunk when I code. Strippers and programmers…I don't know why.
–P&G Bar
Overheard by: Holiday Guts!
Male hotel guest: That looks like it hurts. Do you need any ice?
Female hotel guest: No, thanks.
Male hotel guest: I better not come home and find him fucking that Russian girl in my room. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. (whisper) I'm gonna kill him…
–Elevator, Hudson
Customer holding $300 worth of lighting equipment: You know, if you want to give me a discount that would be totally fine with me.
Only non-hasidic employee in sight: Sorry sir, its not my store…I don't even have the right haircut.
–BH Photo
Kmart security guard to dumbfounded customer: Excuse me, Korea is in America, right?
Customer: Korea!? Korea is an independent nation very far from the US in the east.
Security guard: Oh, okay, are you sure? Are you American?
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: astonished
Elderly customer: Excuse me, do you have enema bags?
Cashier #1: Enema bags?
Elderly customer: Yes, enema bags.
Cashier #1: Do we have enema bags?
Cashier #2: Animal bags?
Cashier #1: No, enema bags.
Cashier #2: Oh, enema bags?
Cashier #1: Yes. Enema bags.
Elderly customer: I'll check the pharmacy.
–Duane Reade, 19th & 7th
Overheard by: Kate
Headline by: Nick
Runners-Up:
· “And This Is How Fido Got a Clean Colon” – lucas
· “Coincidentally Enough I Am Planning to Use It on an Animal.” – robin
· “Elderly Boy Scouts Are Always Prepared” – Rose
· “Love Thy Enema” – threetimefinalist
· “No, But We Do Know the Muffin Man” – BabakganoosH
· “The Deli Was Probably a Bad Place to Start” – Brian
