Man: I love these chairs out here.
Guy at next table: I hate these chairs out here.
Man: Butt the fuck out of my conversation.
Guy at next table: Shut up, I just got back here. I got my ass blown off in Iraq.
–Max Restaurant, 4th St & Ave B
Man: I love these chairs out here.
Guy at next table: I hate these chairs out here.
Man: Butt the fuck out of my conversation.
Guy at next table: Shut up, I just got back here. I got my ass blown off in Iraq.
–Max Restaurant, 4th St & Ave B
Loud girl: Get the fuck up.
Bewildered man: Huh?
Loud girl: You heard me, get the fuck up! Don’t you see that I’m a lady? Give me your damn seat, motherfucker! I’m a fucking lady. You’re supposed to give me your seat.
Bewildered man: Fuck you, bitch!
–Q10 bus, Queens
Overheard by: SarahJ
Thug teen: I wanna take out this fuckin’ book.
Librarian: Okay, well, go to the check-out desk.
Thug teen: I got to go to the other fuckin’ desk, mothafuckah?
Librarian: Yeah, motherfucker. The other fuckin’ desk.
–Brooklyn Library
20-something girl with mom, hands full: Could you hit One for me?
Man, pushing button: You’re welcome.
20-something girl: Oh! Thank you.
Man: Learn some manners.
20-something girl: Man, I’d tell you to fuck yourself if my mom wasn’t with me.
–20th St & 1st Ave
Girlfriend: I don’t know, wouldn’t that be sort of… unethical?
Boyfriend: No, it’s not! We just need to adjust our standards.
–Central Park
Friendly male barista: Hi, what can I do you for?
Stoner #1: I’m not a fuckin’ queer, man.
Stoner #2: Yeah, man. And even if he was, he’d be mine!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: The girl in line behind this guy
Chick: Are you hitting on me?
Guy: Do you have a boyfriend?
Chick: Do you know Eric Thompson*?
Guy: Nah, is he your boyfriend?
Chick: It’s complicated. Whatever, I’m gonna go pee [leaves].
Guy, reporting to group of friends: Yo, so I’m hitting on this girl, right? And then she stops me and is like, ‘Yo, are you hitting on me?’
Chick, opening bathroom door: Asshole, I hear you taking about me.
Guy: Shut up and go take a piss, bitch.
–Party, 116th & Broadway
Woman holding baby: I love your hat!
Man with hat: I like your… baby.
–F train
Overheard by: Jane
Girl: My life is kind of boring for how cool I am.
–Greenwich & Perry, West Village
Overheard by: B-rooke
Hobo: It’s kind of rough being the most handsome toothless guy in the world.
–Washington Square Park fountain
30-ish hipster wannabe: How can you not see how amazing I am?
–53rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Someone still looking for something amazing.
Asian girl on cell: I’m not elitist, I’m just better than everyone else.
–59th & 5th
Angry rastafarian: What are you looking at? I am the best crazy Jesus-believer ever!
–5 train
Overheard by: believed him
Kindergarten girl #1: Wow! Look at all those big trophies!
Kindergarten girl #2: Those ain’t trophies. There’s dead people there. Yeah, you know — you go to church, you pray, and they put the dead person in the box, and they put the box in there. Don’t you go to church?
–On school bus passing a cemetery, Queens
