Older woman: Excuse me, miss?
Younger woman: Yeah?
Older woman: Your veil, your burqa is very beautiful. I didn’t know your people were allowed to wear it in bright colors.
Younger woman: It’s not a burqa, it’s a poncho. I’m Jewish. It’s for the rain. I got it at TJ Maxx.
–53rd & 7th
Overheard by: Pam
Very fat guy: I’ve gained about 20 pounds since the last time you saw me.
Skinny guy: Yeah, I’d like to talk to you about that. When we’re not on the subway, though, okay?
–2 train
Guy: She’s like so angry at the world.
Girl: I know right. It’s not my fault that she has a lazy eye. I am like seriously considering getting her an eye patch.
Guy: Dude. That would be awesome.
–Yankee Stadium
Suit on cell: Well you should be careful, remember what happened last time… Well you have to remember, she can eat whatever she wants and not gain weight, you gain weight… Whaaaaat? You think you weigh less than 130? Okaaaaaay.
–23rd & 6th
Man with facial hair: You can only really pull off a Fu Man Chu if you’re a cop, a gay porn star, or a pirate.
–Virgin Records, Times Square
Guy to his girlfriend: You are one hairy bastard
–78th & 1st
Puerto Rican teenager hanging with his homies: Yo GIMME YOUR BIKE!
Hipster riding by on his BMX: Gimme your haircut! I like your crispy hairlines!
–Grand & Havemayer
Overheard by: lil pirate
Girl #1: Was he attractive at least?
Girl #2: I wouldn’t sleep with people who aren’t attractive.
Girl #1: Well, I’ve slept with people who weren’t attractive.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 140th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: My father was telling me the dangers of aspartame — you know the stuff in Diet Coke? It’s like a sugar. It was once registered as a chemical weapon.
Hipster companion: Yeah?
Eva Amurri: If there is any way to become a superhero, it has to be by drinking Diet Coke.
[later]
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: I can’t remember how it ends… If he dies in a war or if Gatsby gets in a car crash, but he loves Daisy.
[later still]
Eva Amurri: Pasties are Band-Aids that only cover your nipples.
–Acela train leaving Penn Station
Overheard by: could you maybe namedrop your mom less, Miss Top-Volume-At-All-Times?
Girl: Well, Christy works with three people who are getting sex changes.
Guy: Yeah, but she works at a vegan restaurant.
–Ave A & St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: jenny wallace
Asian guy: The freshman at Stuyvesant are more attractive than the sophomores this year.
Asian girl: That’s because they lowered the standards for them last year. And dumber people are obviously way hotter than smarter ones.
–Tasty Dumplings, Chinatown
