Mature woman to mature husband, going in to see The Light in the Piazza: Piazza — it means “little pizza.”
–Beaumont Theatre, Lincoln Center
Mature woman to mature husband, going in to see The Light in the Piazza: Piazza — it means “little pizza.”
–Beaumont Theatre, Lincoln Center
Girl on cell: … a roma tomato, lime… I mean lemon, either one… omigosh, this is the wrong number! [hangs up]
–Staten Island Ferry
A little boy is eating a chocolate Easter bunny.
Mom: Don’t eat too much of that. You’ll get diarrhea.
Little boy: But I like diarrhea.
–4 train
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Hobo: …and the cookies from the sky, you know, man? All them cookies from the sky, like fuckin’ meteors!
Tourist girl: Look, Mom, it’s a Beat poet!
–Times Square
Workout chick: Don’t worry, your standards are just off because you dated a fetus. Want some ice cream?
–Columbia University
Guy #1: I stayed the night at her place and woke early. She was still asleep.
Guy #2: What did you do?
Guy #1: I got up and was going to make myself breakfast. But when I cracked the egg open it got away from me.
Guy #2: Where did it go?
Guy #1: It slid down a crack between the counter and the stove.
Guy #2: What did you do?
Guy #1: I put everything away and climbed back into bed.
Guy #2: You know that shit is going to stink!
Guy #1: Yeah, I’m sure it will.
–97th & Broadway
Teen girl #1: Do you ever have to fart really badly in class?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, like today. I ate a PowerBar and I’ve had to shit like crazy so I keep farting.
Teen girl #1: But you can’t do it in class ’cause then it smells and people know it’s you.
Teen girl #2: You can stick dryer sheets in your pants and then it doesn’t smell as much.
Teen girl #3: But how do you keep them in there?
Teen girl #2: Well, if your pants are tight enough, where they gonna go?
Teen girl #1: Or sometimes you can ask to go to the bathroom and when you stand up your ass cheeks squeeze together and you can’t fart.
Teen girl #2: But in the two seconds before you’re standing you can’t control it, then you fart.
Teen girl #1: Damn it, I have to take a shit.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Crazy woman: What? Yes, send me the numbers, I’ll help you with the numbers.
Med chick: Oh, excuse me. I’m sorry.
Crazy woman: You dont have to be sorry, but if you want to make it up to me, make me some General Tso chicken and a pu pu platter…Why didn’t you call me? By the way, who the fuck is Milstein?
–Milstein Hospital, Fort Washington Avenue
Old woman: No! No! You need to cut from that side of the meat. Last week you gave me a cut from the right side. I want a cut from the left side! Don’t you know that I want a fresh cut of meat?
Deli guy: Only way you gonna get a fresher cut of meat is if I take it from your wrinkly white ass.
–Fairway Market, 74th & Broadway
Mom: Nigga, chill! Grandma’s going to make you some Spanish baked ziti. And I got me some tequila, some margarita mix, and a big ass bottle of tequila, and dat shit’s about to get twisted!
A train rushes by on other track.
Mom: Damn! That shit just gave me an orgasm!
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Emily Aldridge
