Chick #1: … But think about it — if we have so many bananas, like, in the supermarket and everything, then where are all the monkeys?
Chick #2: You are so right.
Chick #1: I mean, it’s true — shouldn’t they be here, where the bananas are?
Chick #2: That is so deep.
Chick #1: We should stop smoking weed.
–69th & CPW
Black uptown guy: Look at the fruit and shit. We don’t have fruit and shit like this uptown. Look at the mangoes. We never see mangoes that big uptown. [White lady walks by with ugly Pit Bull.]Black uptown girl: Oh, look at the cute puppy! Hello, puppy, how ya doin’?
Black uptown guy: Look at the fucking fruit! We don’t have shit like kiwis uptown. Damn, look at the peaches and plums. They’re much bigger here!
–75th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rahni
Hobo: Can I have some?
Teen eating apple: No.
Hobo: Thank you.
Teen: … Ow, my conscience.
–6 train station
Overheard by: Annie
Man #1: Do you think in a past life you were a lemon?
Man #2: Why do you ask?
Man #1: I was just wondering…
–Starbucks
Thug: Anybody who grew up where I grew up knows there’s a million things you can do with a mothafuckin’ grape!
–23rd & 7th
Chick: Hey, plenty of people are murdered with vibrating bananas.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ein Ladle
JAP: What happens if you actually eat a whole grapefruit?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: You’ll get FAT!
Suit: I’m totally unimpressed by cantaloupe as a fruit. It’s just taking the easy way out.
–Sotto Voce, Park Slope
Overheard by: Sweet Jimmy
Lady: I feel like I’m living in a banana.
–75th & Madison
Conductor: The E train to Queens — that’s E as in ‘apple’ — is running regularly.
–A train, 14th St
Teen girl to third graders: You was teachin’ ’em a banana looked like a dick!
–19th & 4th, Brooklyn
Chick #1 reading can: ‘Pineapple chunks in its own juices.’ Ewww.
Chick #2: Hey, at least it doesn’t say ‘Pineapple chunks in his own juices.’
Chick #1: Why would it say that?!
–D’Agostinos, 78th & York
Burly construction worker: Nah, I’m telling you, man. You got it all wrong. Apple turnover is one of those little cake things.
–39th St, between 8th & 9th
Checkout lady holding up customer’s pear on counter: What the hell is this?!
–Key Food, East Village
Overheard by: J
Guy: … I didn’t know why she was chewing on a pickle with an inflated glove over one eye.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Coworker: I’m just saying, broccoli is the least respected vegetable in the vegetable kingdom. You can’t argue that.
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: Georgia Peach
Conductor after train pulls into station: Mrew! Mrew! Apples and bah-nay-nays!
–7 train
Drunk lady on cell: So, I’ve been pinned against the wall all night by a woman telling me about her bowel movements… And to top it all off, I found avocadoes on sale today for 99 cents!
–St. Mark’s & 5th, Park Slope
Teen girl: I’m not saying I wish I had a penis. It would just be nice to be able to pee standing up.
Teen guy: Peeing standing up is a lot like eating grapefruit… One wrong move, and you could squirt yourself in the eye.
Teen girl: Oh my god… seriously?
–Famous Original Ray’s Pizza, 7th Ave
Girl #1: Can you believe that my boyfriend is still mad at me for that?
Girl #2: Jeez, who knew that throwing an orange at someone’s head can change the whole dynamic of a relationship.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jess
Girl: I can’t go to the bathroom, I can’t eat grapes, I… I’ll be in a bubble!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Hipster girl, emerging from Port-a-Potty: Hey, guys, you have to feel this toilet paper! It’s like silk!… I know, I’m a weirdo.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Roz
Suit: I swear to God, it came out sideways. It hurt coming out, then I got up and looked at it, and it was floating sideways.
–Manhattan bound J train
Overheard by: Barry P.
Voice from bathroom stall: Yes!
–Women’s bathroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: acep
Girl, to friend washing her hands: Come on, let’s just go. There are more germs on the sink than on the toilet.
–Restroom, Grand Central Station
Woman, walking out of stall: Left you something!
–Restroom, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Guy: When I clenched my jaw really hard while I was trying to poop, I think I chipped a tooth.
–14th & 3rd
