Ghetto Chicks

We Heart Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Why is love so goddamn expensive?

–Outside MoMA

Overheard by: Chris

Drunk ghetto girl screaming into cell: He told me he loved me and this and that… And this and that, dammit! And then his cock was in her, and I was like, ‘Whoa, are you with me or not?!’ So I pulled her weave out and– Hello? Are you still there?

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I just wanted to sleep

WASP suit: The newspaper made me fall in love with Brad Pitt.

–53rd & Lex

Overheard by: not in love with brad pitt

Little girl: I love you, brain.

–87th & York

Girl on cell: Tell your man to stay out of my business, or I’ll break his jaw. I’ll break his jaw again! I don’t need the love of a man, I’ve got my mother and Jesus to fuckin’ love me. I can meet people — I’ve got MySpace, AOL, IM, and I can chat!

–Subway station, Canal St

It’s Made-Up People Doing Real Things

Ghetto chick #1: Hey, Shonondra?
Ghetto chick #2: Yeah?
Ghetto chick #1: Is fiction the troof?

–Subway platform, 14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: jim

‘Tis the Season for Forced Jollity

Two ghetto carolers: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way… [To three other carolers] Hey! Fuckin’ sing! You’re not singing, and we’re supposed to make people fuckin’ happy and shit.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Tex Morgan

Hell Is When You Get Money and Can’t Spend It

Teacher: So in Christianity, if you’re good, what do you get when you die?
Ghetto girl #1: Money?
Teacher: No.
Ghetto girl #2: You get to go to heaven.
Teacher: Yes!
Ghetto girl #1: What? Is that a true story?
Ghetto girl #2: No, Tashanda,* that’s religion.

–New Design High School

Overheard by: god

Are You Ready for the Holidays, New York?

Ghetto girl: My boss makes us take off on Jewish holidays and don’t even pay us!
Ghetto friend: That’s messed up.
Ghetto girl: I know. I don’t celebrate no Yipper Kipper! I wanna say to him, ‘I ain’t Jewish, nigga.’

–L train

Overheard by: Caroline

But Don’t Tell Her I Said That

White girl: I don’t get that girl. I just don’t like her.
Black boyfriend: Why?
White girl: Because if I don’t like someone, I tell them. Straight at their face, I’m like, ‘I don’t like you.’ But she be talking behind people’s backs and shit. It’s not cool, yo.
Black boyfriend: Yeah.
White girl: And she thinks she’s ghetto, but she’s not. We ghetto — she’s not.

–Uptown C platform, 34th St

The Unified Ashley Theory Was to Make Maya Famous

Ghetto girl #1: Yeah, ‘Ashley’ is a popular American name.
Ghetto girl #2: The only girls I know named ‘Ashley’ are skinny white bitches.
Skinny white girl sitting next to them: Uh, that’s my name.

–Downtown 3 train

Why Whitey Doesn’t Let Blacks Own Cordage Firms

Ghetto chick: We gotta take down the white man, one at a time.Like that one!
Ghetto guy: I don’t know. He’s mad tall.
Ghetto chick: You right, you right. We’d need mad rope.

–2nd Ave & 67th St

‘Hoe-Hoe Happy Meals’ Featuring Adult Toys Gave McDonald’s Considerable Market Penetration

Ghetto man: A groopie ain’t nothin’ but a high-class ho.
Ghetto woman: Please, a groopie is a ho with standards.
Ghetto man: Whatever, a groopie’s no different than a prostitute. But I respect a prostitute ’cause she don’t keep it a secret. A prostitute will fuck you for a happy meal. A happy meal! Not even a value meal!
Ghetto woman: Well, maybe all she wants is a happy meal.
Ghetto man: Yeah, for the toy!

–Grand Army Plaza subway station, Brooklyn

And if I Wanted to Demonstrate Praeteritio, I Would Have…Never Mind

Suit: I wouldn’t want to tangle with you, bitch.
Ghetto girl: I can’t believe you just called me a bitch. That is so offensive!
Suit: Don’t be so uptight. In the city, bitch is just a generic term for female. If I wanted to offend you I would have called you a cunt. So chill.

–Burger King, 23rd & Park Avenue South

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