Gifts

Ask Your Doctor about Wednesday One-Liners

Investment banker lady: He needs some hobbies besides painkillers.

–45th & Park

Overheard by: triSarahtops

Queer: Who needs a boyfriend when you have OxyContin?

–4th St & Ave C

Overheard by: Kenney Matthews

Excited chick on cell: Oh my god, and my mom said for my birthday she is gonna get me these pills!

–79th & Amsterdam

Middle-aged man: That is why I have been taking my father’s pills.

–14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Coffeeshopgoth

NYU girl to another: If your dad didn’t want to go on anti-depressants before, he’s gonna want to now!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Sarah

Philosophy professor: So, let’s just say one time I was on… prescription medication.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Raquel

Wednesday One-Liners Like to Be Close When They Kill

Dude: I miss my machete.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ash

Guy: For his 21st birthday I’m buying him a samurai sword. For his wedding I’m gonna buy him a giant samurai sword!

–Tower Records, W 4th St

Overheard by: Not a samurai

Little kid: It’s chainsaw time!

–New Jersey Transit train

Overheard by: DrewDrewDrew

Frizzy woman on cell: I mean, c’mon — it’s not like it was a knife, bitch, it was just scissors!

–37th & 5th

Overheard by: K

Which Is What It Means to Be a Kid

Suburban teen #1: Guess what my dad got me for my birthday!
Suburban teen #2: What?
Suburban teen #1: An Escalade.
Suburban teen #2: Really?! That’s such a ghetto car!
Passerby: You kids are fuckin’ ignorant.

–B train

Overheard by: Zack

Wednesday One-Liners Went to Choate

Snob on cell: Could you do me a huuuge favor? Could you go outside and tell me what series BMW I own?

–69th & Lex

Overheard by: Bitter

Woman to another: I admire her strength so much… I don’t know how she did it! She raised three kids all by herself! Of course, she had her husband, but he doesn’t count. She still managed to raise three kids without a nanny or housekeeper! Can you imagine?

–Lex, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Chantell

JAP: Do we have a reservation?

–Outside Dean & Deluca, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: The Decline of the West

Fussy rich girl picking up a 710-dollar Prada wallet: This would, like, so be a great trinket for Missy for Christmas.

–Saks, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Kerri.

JAP on cell: I don’t think you will like Daniel, but he is worth meeting because he is a billionaire.

–25th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: I’d like Daniel

It’s Why You Keep Losing Those Pageants

Little girl: I want Santa to get me a Bratz doll for Christmas!
Mother: Yeah? Which one?
Little girl: The one that looks like me.
Mother, mumbling: Honey, you don’t look like a five-dollar crack whore.
Little girl: What?
Mother: Nothing.

–Toys “R” Us, Times Square

It’s a Hell of a Town

Man: Excuse me, I noticed you were looking at the Times. Here, you can have mine. I don’t think I’ll get around to reading it today.
Woman, hugging man lovingly: Thank you.

–Astor Place station

Overheard by: reggae

Oh, Just Like You Bringing Me to Orgasm?

Texan mom: It says here that the French gave this statue as a gift.
Texan dad: Ain’t no way France coulda sent that. They ain’t got no boat big enough.
Texan mom: But it says here…
Texan dad: Ain’t possible means ain’t possible. Gittit?

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: Colman

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