Hot Wednesday-on-Wednesday One-Liners

Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!

–South Street Sea Port

Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York

Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!

–F Train

Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.

–Odessa’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso

Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.

–Beaver St , Hanover Square

Overheard by: WallStGuy

Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.

–V Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Black People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Punks, Questions, Singing, Teens, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Like a Chevy Ta-hoe

Woman #1: Maybe if you suck his cock, he’ll, like, buy you a new car!
Woman #2: Maybe he will!

–83rd St & Columbus Ave

Posted on April 12, 2008
Advice, BJs, Cars and Driving, Gifts, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Wednesday Just Can’t Commit to a One-Liner

Mid-20s girl: I never date a guy who gets more than three questions wrong on the SATs. I don’t plan it, it just works out that way.

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Limey

Hipster on cell: I went through this time when I was like, ‘I could have 800 girlfriends at the same time and just not tell them about each other.’ That was much easier…

–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Guy pointing to nothing in particular on the sidewalk: Uh, dude, you dropped your girlfriend.

–Times Square

Overheard by: christine

Muslim woman in full abaya, dragging husband along: Right now I need to focus on my needs. Do you hear me? This is about my needs!

–Atlantic Ave, in front of Brooklyn Heights YMCA

Man to woman on the sidewalk: Well, we had our one, but it wasn’t so much a fight as it was a mini-series.

–12th, between 6th & 5th

Overheard by: Karen

Girl: My asshole boyfriend! I was just staying with him until Valentine’s Day so that I could get a present, and tomorrow he’s history! But then I didn’t even get that!

–NYU Silver Center

Posted on March 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Dating, Default, Education, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Holidays, Islam, Lies, Men, NYU, Promiscuity, Relationships, Street, The Village, Times Square, Tourist Attractions, Washington Square Park, Williamsburg, Women

That Lifts and Separates You from Your Girlfriend

Guy, after passing a lingerie boutique: Oh, and by the way, that underwear store is bad luck! Every girlfriend I’ve bought something for from there dumped me the next day!
Friend: Yeah, man, it’s like a big steaming pile of bad luck.

–Thompson St, Soho

Overheard by: You have bad taste

Posted on March 22, 2008
Breaking Up, Default, Fashion, Friends, Gifts, Gripes, Guys, Shopping, Soho

Almost As Skinny As My Conscience

Executive: You know, when you have a lot of money, you buy a lot of things you don’t need or don’t even ever use.
Associate: I know. I know exactly what you mean.
Executive: I mean, I buy clothes sometimes that I’ve never even worn. I give a lot of them to my housekeeper.
Associate: Me, too. I give my small clothes to my housekeeper — he’s very skinny.

–Crosby & Spring

Overheard by: Lowly Laborer

Posted on February 3, 2008
Coworkers, Gifts, Money & Class, Soho

Actually, I’m Not. I’m Tired of Pretending

Girl #1: … So then she told me that I should get her socks. Do you really think that Jane* would want socks for Christmas?!
Girl #2: Socks are like the gift that people give when they hate you. Socks and soap!
Girl #3: Um, yeah… [Girls #1 and #3 look at each other.]Girl #2: Oh, shit! I gave you socks for your birthday… Sorry about that.

–50th & Lex

Posted on September 15, 2007
Bimbettes, Gifts, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Maybe I Should Just Give Her Some Weed

Stoned college kid #1: I don’t want to spend all this fucking money on my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day.
Stoned college kid #2: Man, I found a way around that! I’m telling Maya I got a star named after her, but really I’m like… ‘Not.’ You get laid for free!
Stoned college kid #1: And what if she checks the stars, man?
Stoned college kid #2: Do you know how many stars there are, dude? There’s gotta be at least four Mayas…

–Domino’s

Overheard by: Madison

Posted on August 3, 2007
Gifts, Restaurants & Cafes, Stoners

But I’ll Pick Out a Nice One

Mom: Why don’t you pick out some nice earrings for me for Mother’s Day?
Little boy: I don’t have that much money. For Mother’s Day I’m getting you a hot dog.

–Gift store, the Met

Overheard by: Ki

Posted on July 27, 2007
Gifts, Kids, Moms, The Met

Unlicensed Wednesday One-Liners

Mom to screaming child: Now, honey, I want you to be yourself, just not to everyone.

–3rd St & Ave B

Overheard by: amanda

British mum to eight-year-old son: Bobby, stop looking at the bloody NASDAQ.

–Outside Toys ‘R’ Us

Loud lady to son: Go stand in line behind that Mexican man! Don’t let him intimidate you!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: jenmo

Dad to baby in stroller: Did you know that the price of copper is becoming irrelevant?!

–31st & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Scarfish

Father to young son: Why are you putting your butt on me?

–Brooklyn Industries, 9th & 7th

Man to son: Don’t you tell me to shut up! I just bought you a bunch of Star Wars toys!

–Macy’s

Posted on July 4, 2007
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Ass, Business and Commerce, Gifts, Global Geography, Kids, Money & Class, Parents, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Meet the Luckiest Girl in New York

Rich girl #1: So, let me get this straight — they weren’t even nice to you until after your brother died?!
Rich girl #2: It’s like they didn’t even know I was alive. My whole life was always, ‘Christopher this and that… Why can’t you be more like Christopher?’ Ugh, shut up!
Rich girl #1: That’s fucked up. Your parents are supposed to love everybody the same and now they’re trying to buy your love because they feel guilty. Seriously! They bought you a Cayenne and you didn’t even ask for it!
Rich girl #2: I guess it’s fucked up, but so what? My love happens to be for sale.

–Barneys

Overheard by: Sally

Posted on June 8, 2007
Gifts, Rich people, Store

Gifts