I've Got My Surprised Face on and Everything!

Toddler being towed by mom, bawling: But I want that to be my surprise now!

Convenience Store
Greenwich, Connecticut

Overheard by: Tyrone

Posted on November 3, 2008
Connecticut, Default, Gifts, Kids, Offers and requests, Stores, Wishes

It'll Give Her a Break from the Monotony of Fucking Me

Guy #1: What are you going to get your girlfriend for her birthday?
Guy #2: I got her this sweater she wanted. But I'm also going to get her a dildo in case she doesn't like the sweater. That way she can go fuck herself.

Roosevelt Field Mall
Long Island, New York

Posted on August 10, 2008
Clothes, Default, Gifts, Guys, Malls, Masturbation, New York, Questions

Ugly Children May Be Retrieved at the Lost and Found

Flight attendant: As we prepare to disembark, please check to make sure you have not abandoned any bags, personal items or children. All abandoned items will be divided up among the flight attendants, except the children, who will be given to the captain.

JetBlue Flight

Posted on May 9, 2008
Airports & flights, Flight attendants, Gifts, Offers and requests, Offspring, Weirdness

But That Evangelist Preacher Already Bought All the Harnesses

Woman to man: She said that if she leaves her husband, I can have the handcuffs.

UC Berkeley’s campus
Berkeley, California

Posted on May 2, 2008
California, Colleges & Universities, Friends, Gifts, Guys, Offers and requests, Relationships, Women

Conversion in Progress –Please Stand Back

Guy: My cousin got me this Jesus bracelet in like Cuba or something. It was only a dollar!
Jewish girl: Jesus shouldn’t have a price!

Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: oh, jesus

Posted on April 21, 2008
Colleges & Universities, Geography, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Jesus, Jews, Money, New Jersey, Religious fanatics, Stupidity

Let’s Just Say My Love Affair with One of the Muppets Ended As Quickly As It Began

Professor: Has anyone ever eaten anything that made them sick, and now they have an aversion to it? [A few students reply.] Yeah, I think it happens to everyone… Like for me, it’s those small, white powdered doughnuts. I just can’t eat them anymore — they taste furry now, and the thought of something furry in my mouth makes me gag. [Pause.] I think I’ve said too much.

Rutgers University
New Jersey

Overheard by: well, now I’m jsut curious…

Posted on March 2, 2008
Default, Food, Gifts, New Jersey, Sex, Teachers

How You Know Which Kind of “Special” Your Kid Is

Mom: I think that I will get him his first Rubik’s Cube. He’d probably eat it.

http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/08/he_doesnt_seem_to_be_ready.html

Overheard by: someone who doesnt eat rubik’s cubes

Posted on February 3, 2008
Food, Gifts, Gripes, Minnesota, Moms, Overheard in Minneapolis, Shopping

Sends Me Puppies, One Piece at a Time

Quartet member #1: … And now for some delicious candy from my stalker!
Quartet member #2: I love her! She’s so sweet!

Musicians’ lounge, Kohl Mansion
California

Posted on January 17, 2008
California, Coworkers, Gifts

But We Are on a Budget, So You’ll Have to Share Needles

Dad to table full of preteens: If everyone’s good, they can get one tattoo and one piercing.

Pei Wei, 7th Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Ken

Posted on January 17, 2008
Arizona, Dads, Gifts

And I Loved Being Your Finger-Puppet

Short girl: I’m gonna go and buy you a birthday card.
Tall girl: Yeah, you didn’t buy me anything for my birthday!
Short girl: Yes, I did! I bought your fingers!
Tall girl: Oh, yeah! [Laughs.]

Magnolia Mall
Florence, South Carolina

Posted on October 5, 2007
Friends, Gifts, South Carolina

Gifts