Concert-goer to friend: … And then she told me, ‘I had a shitty birthday, but what do you expect? I’m dating a pirate!’ And I said, ‘He’s not a pirate, he’s a douchebag! You’re dating a douchebag!’
–Beacon Theatre, 75th & Broadway
Woman to friend: I don’t know what to get him for his birthday. Do you know what he gave me for my birthday? An ulcer.
–A train, between 59th & 42nd
Chick: He gave me a laptop for my birthday… And we haven’t even had sex yet!
–Sol y Sombra
Yuppie on cell: I think because of the mental state I was in that really doesn’t count as cheating. Plus, it was my birthday, so technically it never happened, therefore I didn’t fuck up or do anything wrong, therefore nothing ever happened to begin with, therefore you have no reason to complain, therefore you are still my girlfriend.
–14th St & E 1st Ave
Overheard by: Adrienne