Guy: Yo girl, I gotta song for you.
Girl: Okay. What you got?
Guy, beginning to beat-box: You a five-star bitch, I got a five-star dick…
Girl: Hahahaha.
Guy: Eight inches long and just as thick…
Girl: What!? Hold up!
–W. 110th & Malcom X
Overheard by: The Music Man
Cabbie #1: Fuck you! Fuck you!
Cabbie #2, getting out of car: No, fuck you! You are the fucking garbage!
Random guy, leaning out window: Shut up! Shut. Up!
Cabbies: Fuck you!
–3rd Ave b/w 9th & 10th
Drunk girl: So, have you heard from her?
Drunk guy: No, she’s too busy popping out fetuses. She pops out a fetus like every week!
–57th & 9th
Overheard by: Cori
Guy: Yeah, and he lied to me about dying, too!
–Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
Girl: So what is your name going to be tonight?
–6th Ave & 57th St
Queer on cell: She tried to tell me that I was fatter than him — that muthafucka is the worst liar in the world!
–Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: She was probably right…
Guy: I just told her, ‘Keep on fakin’ those orgasms!’
–7th Ave & 32nd St
Suit on cell in McDonald’s: Yeah, well, I’m in Connecticut right now…
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Blaine
Conductor: There’s another local train directly behind this one. I would never lie to you.
–W train to Astoria
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Man exiting taxi: If anyone asks, we walked!
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Kyle
Italian guy #1: I tell you you stink so you go in the store and put on Pledge?
Italian guy #2: Yeah!
Italian guy #1: What? Are you stupid?!
–Outside the Met
Overheard by: lousie
Neighborhood drunk: (unintelligible)
Guy: I do! I get all my toilet paper at the 99 cent store.
Neighborhood drunk: Then you're one step ahead of the game.
–5th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: wza
Guy #1: So I was talkin’ to him ’bout his sister–
Guy #2: Yo man, that chick is so fine.
Guy #1: Man, I know what you mean. But she naive, you know? She don’t know how fine she is.
Guy #2: Yeah. Naive.
Guy #1: But then she had the nerve to touch his boxes. What chick touches a guy’s boxes? She got an ugly soul.
–E train
Overheard by: Suzie
20-ish girl: Then I disclosed that Michael probably has Asperger’s syndrome.
20-ish guy: Asperger’s people are smart. This guy is a ninny.
20-ish girl: He’s IT smart, and he had a retard son, and you know how that shit runs in the family.
–Brooklyn-bound R train
20-something girl: That's because your girlfriend hates me!
20-something guy, slightly chuckling: She doesn't hate you… she hates everyone.
–Times Square
Overheard by: sounds like a keeper
Headline by: slowly losing faith in people
Runners-Up:
· “…But It Wouldn’t Hurt to Lose a Little Weight” – ThugAuditor
· “God, I Love Her Genocidal Tendencies” – Duncan Pflaster
· “I Told You, We Met at the Nazi Rally” – The Drifter
· “Now, If You’ll Excuse Me, I Have to Punish Myself for Saying That” – Jason
· “Or at Least Everyone I Want to Sleep With” – sagert
· “She Doesn’t Discriminate” – beans
· “She Even Hates Life Cereal” – Let’s Get Mikey
· “What I’m Really Trying to Say Is She Won’t Hate You More If We Fuck” – Zak
· “Which, OK, Technically Includes You. But Again – Threeway?” – been there
Chick: It freaks me out to walk around on top of, like, six feet of concrete with these trains underneath, but at least we don’t have to worry about zombies attacking.
Guy: What does anything have to do with zombies?
Chick: Zombies can’t walk on hollow ground, like graveyards and stuff.
Guy: That’s ‘hallow.’ As in ‘holy.’
–1 train, 116th St
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh…
