20-ish girl: Then I disclosed that Michael probably has Asperger’s syndrome.
20-ish guy: Asperger’s people are smart. This guy is a ninny.
20-ish girl: He’s IT smart, and he had a retard son, and you know how that shit runs in the family.
–Brooklyn-bound R train
20-something girl: That's because your girlfriend hates me!
20-something guy, slightly chuckling: She doesn't hate you… she hates everyone.
–Times Square
Overheard by: sounds like a keeper
Headline by: slowly losing faith in people
Runners-Up:
· “…But It Wouldn’t Hurt to Lose a Little Weight” – ThugAuditor
· “God, I Love Her Genocidal Tendencies” – Duncan Pflaster
· “I Told You, We Met at the Nazi Rally” – The Drifter
· “Now, If You’ll Excuse Me, I Have to Punish Myself for Saying That” – Jason
· “Or at Least Everyone I Want to Sleep With” – sagert
· “She Doesn’t Discriminate” – beans
· “She Even Hates Life Cereal” – Let’s Get Mikey
· “What I’m Really Trying to Say Is She Won’t Hate You More If We Fuck” – Zak
· “Which, OK, Technically Includes You. But Again – Threeway?” – been there
Chick: It freaks me out to walk around on top of, like, six feet of concrete with these trains underneath, but at least we don’t have to worry about zombies attacking.
Guy: What does anything have to do with zombies?
Chick: Zombies can’t walk on hollow ground, like graveyards and stuff.
Guy: That’s ‘hallow.’ As in ‘holy.’
–1 train, 116th St
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh…
Random guy: So, where you from?
Hot chick: Oh, up north. Florida.
Random guy: Wait. I thought Florida was in the Midwest.
–Subway B
40-something woman: Oh, I'm sorry.
Young dude: That's okay, but you just hit my crotch.
40-something woman: Well, did you at least enjoy it?
Young dude: Heh-heh, not really.
–L Train
Girl: Okay, so how many of the people here do you think have noticed that we’re high?
Guy: Mmmm, five of them.
Girl: There are only five people in the store.
Guy: Then… All of them.
–Lafayette
Girl: Why do you fuck a sheep at the edge of a cliff? (waits) So the sheep pushes back.
Guy: I don't get it.
Girl: Do I have to explain sheep-fucking to you?!
–Prince & Mercer
Overheard by: Thiess
Guy #1: Aw, man, have you seen March of the Penguins? That movie was horrible. Couldn’t get through it.
Girl: I saw that. I got double-banged to it… I kinda like getting double-banged by two attractive guys, y’know? [Men stop walking and look at each other.]Guy #2: Dude, that’s gross. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave. Wow.
–70th & 2nd
Guy : Cause she sounds like a goat. You know how a goat goes,” bwaaah, bwaaah!”
Girl : Word?
Guy : Yeah, she sounds like a goat…
–Lorimer & Powers, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Szymon
Guy #1: Dude! You're such a girl! (laughs)
Guy #2: You know, the only reason that insults like that even work is because they're ironic. So shut the fuck up.
–F Train
