Guy: Which one of you woke up late this morning, you or your momma?
Daughter: Oh, my mom.
Mom: No, I didn’t oversleep, I just got caught up doing schoolwork.
Guy: Shoot, do you think Jesus had excuses when he was dying on the cross?
–B67 bus
Guy: Which one of you woke up late this morning, you or your momma?
Daughter: Oh, my mom.
Mom: No, I didn’t oversleep, I just got caught up doing schoolwork.
Guy: Shoot, do you think Jesus had excuses when he was dying on the cross?
–B67 bus
Old lady to weird guy: Get up! Get up! Can’t you see that that woman has two young children? [Weird guy reluctantly gets up.] You must be an orphan.
Weird guy: Fuck off. [He moves away and departs at the next stop.]Old lady: What? He was getting off at the next stop? He must be an orphan.
–A train
Overheard by: rachel
Guy to group of friends: God, it's ball soup out here today!
Friends: Totally!
Chick: Yeah, my balls are soup!
–Ouside Spa, SoHo
Girl, during auction for Haiti: I want to motorboat Susan Sarandon. Can I bid on that?
Guy: I don't see why not. It's pretty much like a handshake, except between your face and her tits.
–SPIN NY
Extreme sports guy #1: I broke my leg last summer.
Extreme sports guy #2: Dude, I broke my leg once. I broke both bones in both wrists this one time.
Extreme sports guy #1: What, were you snowboarding or something?
Extreme sports guy #2: No, I fell off the monkey bars. I was in the third grade.
–L Train
Hipster girl: Rough butt sex.
Hipster guy: But that's what it would've smelled like anyway.
–St. Mark's Place
Guy #1: Have you ever farted inside a piece of public art before?
Guy #2: Yes. I used to fart in the Arch all the time.
Guy #1: Oh…well, then, have you ever farted in a piece of public art by Jeanne-Claude and Christo?
–The Gates
Hot girl: I mean, dudes are going to be staring at you anyway, but if your nipples are poking through your shirt then it’s just all over.
Nerdy Guy: Wow… Yeah!
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: rad dude
Guy: She did this album made up entirely of processed sex noises. It’s her and her boyfriend having sex in various sundry ways. She got mentioned in a British newspaper and then the Daily News picked it up. And now it looks like she’s going to have a record deal. Most of it is…it’s kind of German, you know?
–27th Street office
