Hobo: Stop! I don’t want any money, I don’t want anything. I just want you to look. You will never see this again in your life!
He points to a window sill where he has four quarters standing on their edges.
Hobo: Isn’t that beautiful?
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: gizzard
Hobo: You people are all evil…You are oppressors…You’re gonna be up shit’s creek when Moshiach comes!
–37th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alexander
Guy: Dude, no one uses “hobo” in a sentence anymore.
–McCoy’s Bar, 9th Avenue
Guy #1: I told you I wanted a pineapple.
Guy #2: It’s November.
Guy #1: And?
Hobo: Pineapple and coconuts are made from computers. And you can tell!
–77th & 1st
Overheard by: Big Z
Hobo: Can anyone spare $100? I’m trying to get to Hawaii.
A man hands him a dollar bill.
Hobo: Can any one spare $99? I’m trying to get to Hawaii.
–12th & 7th
Overheard by: Zimmy
Hobo: What’s the best in the nation? Hey you, what’s the best in the nation?
Guy: The best what?
Hobo: In the nation. What’s the best in the nation?
Girl #1: The best what in the nation?
Hobo: You know, like country.
Girl #1: Oh, you mean what’s the best country?
Hobo: Yeah. Nation.
Girl #1: The United States!
Hobo: Wrong!
Girl #2: Red Sox nation!
Hobo: Wrong!
Guy: Nigeria?
Hobo: Wrong! The best in the nation…the best nation is a donation! Gimme a nickel.
–2nd Avenue & 7th Street
Overheard by: Carmen Nobel
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
Hobo: Hi, My name is Sonny Page, I’m homeless and I’m hungry. If you don’t have it I understand ’cause I don’t have it. But if you could spare some money, food, a sandwich, I would really appreciate it.
Guy: Aw. Fuck, didn’t I give you change this morning? You’re still hungry?
–F train
Guy #1: So I’m trying to set Anthony up with this girl.
Guy #2: Wait a minute, I thought Anthony was gay.
Guy #1: Everybody does, but he’s not. He just has a slight lisp.
–Pazza Note, 56th & 6th
Overheard by: El Cubano
Hobo: Of course Bloomberg is fucking gay. All the gays are Republican.
–3rd Avenue & 11th Street
Overheard by: Jim Ed Tabors
Hobo: Man invented the condom so that the woman would stop trying to steal his DNA.
–F train
Overheard by: Caroline Duncan
