Hobos

Man #1: You can tell she loves her son.
Man #2: Who?
Man #1: Mary.
Man #2: Mary who?
Man #1: There.
Man #2: …George, that’s a painting of Mary and Jesus. Of course she loves her son.

–The Met

Hobo: Jesus is our savior! Worship him, he’s done good things for us! He is the son of God!
Man: Sorry, what was that name again?
Hobo: Jesus! Jesus our savior!
Man: Oh, Jesus Christ?
Hobo: Yes, Jesus Christ.
Man: Oh, okay.

–A train

Guy: Somebody stole the baby Jesus! I’m appalled!
Hobo: Jesus isn’t born until Christmas.

–Houston & Sullivan

Hobo: You got the card? You got it? We’re gonna kill ourselves. I’m gonna swim to New Jersey and they’ll drag me up onto the rocks.

–1 train

Overheard by: James Gillece

Hobo: Hey man, you got some change? I’m saving up for a bag of weed?
Guy: No! I prefer to pay for it myself!
Hobo: Yeah?…Well, I don’t!

–Bleecker & Sullivan

Old lady: They are going to strike? They should put up signs fuckers! I see you looking at me you skinny bitch, fuck you.
Conductor: The doors are closing.
Old lady: Can’t put up signs but the fucker is telling me the doors are closing.

–F train

Hobo: Don’t worry about the strike, we’ll all fly to work! Flap our wings and fly!

–14th & 7th

Guy: I was there at the strike in 1980; I remember it well. It went on for two weeks. Of course, they could never have it that long now. The population of the city has doubled since 1980.

–Bowling Green station

Overheard by: greek goddess

Conductor: Shit, I’ll get nasty right now. I’ll pull the brakes, see how they like that.

–1 train

Overheard by: Priscilla Castillo

Tween boy: So how’s the strike going?
Bus driver: If there was a strike I wouldn’t be here, you moron.

–M15 bus

Overheard by: Sara’s Hot

Man: Sir, you’re not suppose to smoke on the train.
Hobo: What? Are you the Marshall? I’m a crack dealer, I sell crack. What you gonna do, steal my money?

–1 train

Hobo: Stop! I don’t want any money, I don’t want anything. I just want you to look. You will never see this again in your life!

He points to a window sill where he has four quarters standing on their edges.

Hobo: Isn’t that beautiful?

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: gizzard

Hobo: You people are all evil…You are oppressors…You’re gonna be up shit’s creek when Moshiach comes!

–37th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alexander

Guy: Dude, no one uses “hobo” in a sentence anymore.

–McCoy’s Bar, 9th Avenue

Guy #1: I told you I wanted a pineapple.
Guy #2: It’s November.
Guy #1: And?
Hobo: Pineapple and coconuts are made from computers. And you can tell!

–77th & 1st

Overheard by: Big Z

Hobo: Can anyone spare $100? I’m trying to get to Hawaii.

A man hands him a dollar bill.

Hobo: Can any one spare $99? I’m trying to get to Hawaii.

–12th & 7th

Overheard by: Zimmy