Man #1: I don’t know, do they have windows in Alaska?
Man #2: You mean like Microsoft Windows?
Man #1: No, I mean like windows.
–N platform, Union Square
Man #1: I don’t know, do they have windows in Alaska?
Man #2: You mean like Microsoft Windows?
Man #1: No, I mean like windows.
–N platform, Union Square
There is a Buddha statue on the counter.
Teen girl #1: Wow, she has weird nipples.
Teen girl #2: I think it’s a guy.
Teen boy: That’s Gandhi. Duh.
–99 cent store, Hylan Boulevard
Overheard by: Stacey Simon
Guy: You kicked me like a pony in the neck! Now I’m going to be slow for my entire life. You kicked me in the cerebellum!
Chick: That’s not where your cerebellum is.
–Eugene O’Neill Theater
Overheard by: Nicole Thompson
Teen girl: Something must have gone wrong during her wax.
Teen boy: What was it?
Teen girl: I don’t know. She was, like, crying. And she hasn’t gotten another wax. I just don’t get it.
Teen boy: Sucks for her.
Teen girl: Seriously.
–Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: still speechless
College-Aged guy: “Imagine”?? I don’t get it. What am I supposed to imagine?
Girlfriend: Shhh, let’s go!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: beatle
Bimbette: Yeah, me and Beyoncé is friends on MySpace. She invites me to all the hot events, like her concerts and parties. She even bulletins me.
Boyfriend: For real?
Bimbette: Yeah, we’s like best friends.
–Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Is not friends with Beyonce :(
Girl: Damn, it’s really cold!
Guy: I know! I hate having to smoke outside in this weather.
Girl: Totally — they should let us smoke inside when it gets like this. Cold weather is bad for your health, y’know?
–29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Jah Shu Wah
Student #1: Yo, what’s in Iceland?
Student #2: Nigga, what do you think? Ice, obviously!
Student #1: Don’t that mean Iceman lives there, then?
Student #2: Good question…
–High School for Environmental Studies, W 56th St
Teen girl: Have you ever wondered why there are no, like, sexy midgets?
Friend: No, but sometimes I wonder if you are slightly retarded.
Headline by: DomCar
Runners-Up:
· “And somewhere, at that moment, a tiny discrimination lawsuit was being filed” – Marc
· “Awwww! Thanks! You said slightly!” – Emily
· “Being sexy isn’t necessary when your face if even with most people’s crotches” – theVixenNicole
· “Both problems are an unfortunate result of genetics.” – Aaron Stephenson
· “But, like, sexily so?” – Tom Dorey
· “By the end of the yellow brick road, the Tin Man was hungry, tired, and BIT-CHY!” – Alissa
· “Comebacks for when you are secretly in love with a midget.” – John
· “Happily, I Have a Fetish for Both” – anthony fiore
· “It’s Sexy Because It’s Like Having Sex With Kids, But They’re Legal!” – Bored Beyond Belief
· “She’s obviously never seen Wizard of Oz, that is ALL sex appeal” – Kevo
· “Thank God your mom pays me to hang out with you” – tiddlywinks
· “The Sexy Midget Union, recognizing retardation as a handicap, will not sue.” – Extra Character
· “The ‘My secret is: I’m marrying a dwarf’ deodorant ad — first take” – Amanda
· “There Are Sexy Midgets, You Probably Just Overlooked Them!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “They Prefer the Term “Erotically Challenged Little People”” – Shepcat
· “Yellow fever: Love of Asians. Smallpox: Love of midgets. Down Syndrome: That girl.” – erak
· “Yes, but I look good in a teddy AND can reach the top shelf” – Villelen
· “You Don’t Need to Be So Short With Me” – Matthew K Johnson
Honorable mentions:
· “But can slightly retarded be sexy?” – Virginia Wood
· “If she were fully retarded, she’d be banging all the unsexy midgets.” – AJ
· “So all those internet porn sites are wrong?” – Graz
· “The Sexy Ones Wouldn’t Want to Sleep with you Anyway” – Ian
· “The new MMILF: Mental Midgets I’d Like to F***” – Peter Parker
Manager: How did you make those sandwiches so fast?
Sandwich guy: Performance-enhancing drugs.
–Subway, 23rd & Madison
Overheard by: Jonathan