Chick #1: I gotta read this book for class, and I don’t want to.
Chick #2: Oh, I hate that shit. I hate having to read shit I hate.
Chick #1: I know! I don’t want to read it! I don’t get the book, I don’t understand it — it’s stupid!
Chick #2: What book you gotta read?
Chick #1: I don’t know, it’s called, like, Increasin’ Your Brain Power or something.
–E train
Overheard by: August Galifi
Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?
–4 train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?
–D train, Grand Concourse
Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: Josh
Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?
–Game Stop, Forest Hills
Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Andrew K.
Girl #1: Hey, so I went to that sushi place you told me to go to last night, and I got food poisoning!
Girl #2: Oh. Hey, you went there? How was it?
Girl #1: I got food poisoning.
Girl #2: Yeah, but how was it before the vomiting set in?
–Ameritania Hotel
Ditzy tween: Wait, what? Isn’t your dad in prison?
Friend: Um… No…
Ditzy tween: Isn’t that what you told me? Or maybe it was your uncle?
Friend: Nobody I know is in prison.
–Bus
Overheard by: if i had a nickle…
Blond: You need to go jump off this balcony right now.
Brunette: It’s the first floor!
Blond: Good, ’cause then you’ll just break your leg. I love you, I don’t want you to die!
–80th & Amsterdam
Thug: Where you am?
–Penn Station
Girl: The cat keeps attacking the kitten and trying to dominate him. He’s wicked-dominal.
–Train from Boston, Penn Station
Thug girl: We is not stupid!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy
Teen boy: It’s like that Napoleon ice cream. You know: vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.
–53rd & 5th
Overheard by: really?
Ghetto woman on cell: Yeah, yeah — he a drug addict. I couldn’t believe it. I had no agnostic he was on drugs.
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Girl: I’m like, so, you know, like, bad at, like… I’m really inarticulate.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: jaded intellectual
Dude #1: That’s awesome.
Dude #2: What? That the subway comes out of the ground?
Dude #1: Yeah… because it’s no longer the ‘subway.’ It’s just the ‘way.’
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: 15X
Guy #1: It’s like catcher and receiver.
Guy #2: No, no. It’s pitcher and catcher. Like football.
–B-Sides, Ave B & 12th St
Overheard by: Creiighton
Teen girl #1: So, I heard that this porn star had, like, lung cancer and had to, like, have part of her lung removed.
Teen girl #2: Damn, that sucks. Is she, like, always out of breath?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, and she, like, can’t talk that much either ’cause she can hardly breathe.
Teen girl #2: But isn’t she a porn star? When she like, you know, has an orgasm, how can she make those loud noises? Her career is so over.
Teen girl #1: Maybe she has a ventriloquist.
Teen girl #2: No way. That’d only work if she was a guy and it was gay porn, ’cause, I mean, who’s ever heard of a girl ventriloquist?
–Deli, 42nd St
Headline by: Emilio Lizardo
Runners-Up:
· “And They Called Her Howdy Pooty” – Sean
· “Charlie McCarthy Does Dallas!” – Mary Beth Hanlon
· “How many ‘likes’ does it take to get to another orgasm?” – Maggie Mae
· “I never knew smoking pole could cause lung cancer” – Matt T
· “If Helen Keller did porn” – Em
· “She’s Not Bad, But I Can See Her Lips Moving” – Dan
· “That’s not all she’s faking” – CoolPapaZ
· “Those screeching sounds come from her other set of lips” – Nick. D.
· “You know what else turns me on? Leprosy” – Steve
Girl #1: Oh my god! I haven’t seen you in ages!
Girl #2: I know, it’s been a while — you look great!
Girl #1: You do, too! Your hair has grown a lot since I last saw you.
Girl #2: I know what you mean — it’s all it does.
–E 86th St and Lex
Overheard by: Lisa
