Woman #1: It’s hot as Haiti in this store.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Isn’t it supposed to be hot there?
Woman #2: I think you mean ‘Hades.’
Woman #1: No. It’s a place in the Caribbean.
–Banana Republic, 42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Not Haitian
Woman #1: It’s hot as Haiti in this store.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Isn’t it supposed to be hot there?
Woman #2: I think you mean ‘Hades.’
Woman #1: No. It’s a place in the Caribbean.
–Banana Republic, 42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Not Haitian
Middle-aged Long Island lady thumbing through magazine: Look, there’s Stephen Colbert.
Husband: Who’s that?
Middle-aged Long Island lady: He’s a terrific Republican reporter on TV. You should watch him. He’s really great. Puts the liberals in their place.
–JFK
Overheard by: djeremy
Bleached blonde with lots of facial jewelry #1: So I signed up for the police exam.
Bleached blonde with lots of facial jewelry #2: Really?
Blonde #1: Yeah, can you fuckin’ imagine me as a fuckin’ cop? All you have to do, though, is pass some fucking test, and then it’s good for four years. So if I decide I don’t want to be a teacher four years from now, I can just go be a cop.
Blonde #2: Wow, there’s no drug test?
Blonde #1: Yeah, but you can get a stick and put bleach on it and then piss on the stick when you take the test, and it kills all that shit.
Blonde #2: Really?
Blonde #1: Yeah, that’s what I heard.
Blonde #2: Well, don’t they watch you or search you or something?
Blonde #1: Well, maybe, but in that case you can just do a shot of bleach before you take the test. That will clean you out.
Blonde #2: Wow, I don’t think I want to do a shot of bleach.
Blonde #1: I know — that shit’s scary, right?!
–4 train, Fulton St
Overheard by: I think arsenic works too
Woman #1: Have you tried Lichido?
Woman #2: Is that a new kind of karate or something?
Woman #1: It’s a liquor.
Woman #2: Don’t you mean ‘kicker’?
Woman #1: Why do I talk to you?
–Astor Wines & Spirits, Astor Pl
Skinny blonde girl: So, was she Jewish?
20-something guy: No, she couldn’t have been. She was wearing pants.
–1st Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: I hate that I know this kid.
Smart girl #1: I didn’t know Lady Sovereign was white.
Smart girl #2: She’s not white, she’s British.
–Virgin Records
Flight attendant on intercom: If you need any additional lighting, just reach up and press the grey button above your seat.
Passenger presses the ‘Call attendant’ button.
Flight attendant: That wasn’t the grey button.
–JFK
Guy #1 looking at picture of Santa Claus 3: Dude, that’s Aquaman!
Guy #2: No, that’s Jack Frost.
Guy #1: No, it totally looks like Aquaman.
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t!
Guy #1: It’s gotta be him.
Guy #2: Why would Santa Claus be fighting Aquaman? Why the hell would he be fighting Aquaman?
–4th floor Hunter North, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Guy: On TV she looks just like Michael Jackson!
Chick: Who?
Guy: Oprah!
–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: fshk
