12-year-old skater kid: Dad, is there such a thing as a friendly kiss?
Dad: I will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of that statement at this time.
12-year-old skater kid: What a nerd. Mom?
Mom: Depends where it was, honey.
12-year-old skater kid, into cell: Dude, where did she kiss you?
–Toys “R” Us
Girl to friends: Oh, yeah, and he kissed Emily’s hand goodbye.
Emily: Yeah, I get that a lot…
–Residence hall, 26th St
Overheard by: Ashley
Hot chick #1 during Tom Brady close-up: Ohhh, I just want to give him a hug!
Hot chick #2: I want to make out with him.
Hot chick #3: I want to put his penis in my mouth.
–Watching Patriots/Colts game, Sutton Pl, 53rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Lee
Hipster chick #1: So they leave, you know, and he starts making out with me right at the bar.
Hipster chick #2: Look at you!
Hipster chick #1: So I told him I didn’t really like making out in public.
Hipster chick #2: So did you go back to his place?
Hipster chick #1: No, but he was really sweet about it. He took me in the guys’ bathroom and we made out in there, like, in a stall.
–Spring & Bowery
Overheard by: John Osvald
Girl, squealing: You may kiss me, I consent!
Guy: I’d rather have a dwarf chew off my balls. I hate you.
–Museum of Sex
Seated old guy gesturing across the street to young couple kissing: Why do they keep doing that? They do that every morning!
Old guy walking by: Yeah?
Seated old guy: Every morning!
Old guy walking by: Bah, humbug!
–N5 & Bedford, Williamsburg
Teen girl: No, it was sweet. We just ended up making out for a really long time.
Teen boy: But doesn’t that get boring?
–Barnes and Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: ..the hell…
Queer #1: You are so gay.
Queer #2: I am not gay! Why do people keep saying that?
Queer #1: Well, you made out with Robert, and you slept with Jimmy.
Queer #2: Robert kissed me, I didn’t kiss him.
–Greenpoint
Friend: First you suspect he’s a date rapist, and now you’re worried he isn’t going to call?
–Union Square
Trendy woman: I need to be touched by a man in a loving way…It doesn’t even have to be loving.
—Pirates of the Caribbean 2 advance screening, the Ziegfield
Overheard by: Nick Draven
20-something girl on cell: I just wanna kiss someone!
–M15 bus
Girl: I’m going to make out with someone tonight. I’ve already decided.
–4th St, between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Ted
Well-dressed guy: You just hate that you can’t get a one-eyed, homeless black guy to think you’re hot.
–B train
Overheard by: Sugarnuts
Dude #1: We went to a strip club for his birthday.
Dude #2: Cool.
Dude #1: He was bragging that the stripper kissed him, but she made him sick!
Dude #2: Not cool.
Dude #1: Now he has mono and feels like he’s going to die.
–58th & Columbus
Overheard by: finished lunch anyway
Headline by: mannadew
Runners-Up:
· “Best-Case Scenario Survival Handbook” – Keith Campbell
· “For the Man Who Has Had Everything” – Eric
· “Her day-job was a Karma Policewoman.” – Jehan
· “I’m thinking Christian Slater for the movie..” – yanick massicotte
· “Laser Tag Never Sounded Better” – Ned
· “Maybe the Nurse Will Strip For Him” – Trey Jackson
· “Not as bad as when I got Stigmata after a lap dance from Rachel Dratch” – Tourist #8
· “Not Everything Stays in Vegas” – miaka mouse
· “Now He’s Bragging That He Didn’t Get Herpes.” – Katie
