Middle-aged crossing guard lady #1: G’mornin’, sweetheart! You look tired!
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #2: Oh, honey, I’m so hungover…
Passing child, to parent: On a Tuesday?
–7th & 8th, Park Slope
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #1: G’mornin’, sweetheart! You look tired!
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #2: Oh, honey, I’m so hungover…
Passing child, to parent: On a Tuesday?
–7th & 8th, Park Slope
Woman #1: The kids I babysit are… I wanna say ‘satanic.’
Woman #2: Wow.
Woman #1: I know it sounds strong, but every time I’m over there they’re like, ‘Let’s think of different ways to kill Jesus.’
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Charlie
Mother: And how do you stop the smoke from going through the crack under the door? Put… a… wet…
Toddler girl: Firefighter?
–77th & 1st
Five-year-old: Daddy, I don’t wanna see Spider-Man 3.
Dad: Come on, why not?
Five-year-old: I hate the black Spider-Man.
Hobo: That child is racist!
–Loews cinema, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Hobo has a point
Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
Little boy: Mom! Mom, look! Mo-ooom!
Mom: What, honey?
Little boy: They have douche bags! Should we buy some for Daddy?
–Pharmacy
Overheard by: Oh really?
10-year-old gangsta #1: Yo, I got all kinds of bitches. Right now I gotta choose…
10-year old gangsta #2: Yo, what you talkin’ ’bout?
10-year-old gangsta #1: I got this young bitch… I gotta choose between a girl that’s my age or a younger woman.
–1 train
Overheard by: D. J.
Little girl: I’m annoying, right? I’m annoying you, right Tío?
Uncle: Yes, you’re annoying.
–6 train
Kindly gent: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Little kid: Retarded!
Kindly gent: Retarded?
Little kid: My grandpa is retarded, and he gets to play and watch TV all day!
Kindly gent: [Stunned silence.]Kid’s mom, embarrassed: He means ‘retired.’
Little kid: Retarded! Retarded! Retarded! I wanna be retarded! [Starts to cry.]
–Washington & Water St
