Mom: Tie your shoelace.
Little girl: No.
Mom: If you don’t tie your shoelace, something very bad will happen to you!
–Starbucks
Mom: Tie your shoelace.
Little girl: No.
Mom: If you don’t tie your shoelace, something very bad will happen to you!
–Starbucks
Seven-year-old: Mom? Did you take a picture when Hammie died?
Mother: No, it’s not right to take pictures of dead things…
Seven-year-old: No, I mean when you took the picture, did it stun him and kill him? [Sister chokes and spits out food.]Mother: Yeah, you deserve to choke on that…
–Penn Station
Overheard by: blondie
Two-year-old boy into broken cell: Hello? Hello?
Mom: That’s right!
Two-year-old boy: Mommy? Mommy! Mommy!
Mom: Honey, no yelling!
Two-year-old boy, whispering: Mommy! Mommy! [Turns the cell around, using it as a gun.] Bam! Bam! Bam, bam, bam! [Starts ‘shooting’ passengers.] Bam! Bam! Bam!
Mom: Honey! No acts of violence!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by:
Little boy: Daddy, I want a hamburger.
Dad: Hmmm.
Little boy: A hamburger, Daddy. I want… a hamburger!
Dad: Yes, you do.
Little boy: Daddy, I want–
Dad: –You’re not getting a goddamned hamburger!
–Nobu Sushi
Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yeah, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?!
Kid #2: Yes, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yes! Seriously! Gosh, you’re acting like SpongeBob!
–St. Catherine’s Elementary, Brooklyn
Overheard by: rpk
Headline by: Rock Bottom
Runners-Up:
· “…or Alberto Gonzalez under Oath.” – JC
· “Actual Script from Laguna Beach” – Jeremy
· “Dude, You’ve Been Watching Too Much SquarePant’s Anatomy” – Breanne S.
· “How Serious Can Spongebob Be If Spongebob Could Be Serious?” – Philip
· “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter – Test Campaign #34” – Paul Sheiman
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #1: G’mornin’, sweetheart! You look tired!
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #2: Oh, honey, I’m so hungover…
Passing child, to parent: On a Tuesday?
–7th & 8th, Park Slope
Woman #1: The kids I babysit are… I wanna say ‘satanic.’
Woman #2: Wow.
Woman #1: I know it sounds strong, but every time I’m over there they’re like, ‘Let’s think of different ways to kill Jesus.’
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Charlie
Mother: And how do you stop the smoke from going through the crack under the door? Put… a… wet…
Toddler girl: Firefighter?
–77th & 1st
Five-year-old: Daddy, I don’t wanna see Spider-Man 3.
Dad: Come on, why not?
Five-year-old: I hate the black Spider-Man.
Hobo: That child is racist!
–Loews cinema, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Hobo has a point
Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
