Girl #1: I will kill all of your firstborns!
Girl #2: All of them?
–Megabus, Penn Station
Overheard by: Lisa
Girl #1: I will kill all of your firstborns!
Girl #2: All of them?
–Megabus, Penn Station
Overheard by: Lisa
Confused little boy looking at dozens of Santas in Santacon: I thought there is only one Santa Claus.
Mother: Those are Santa’s helpers. Santa can’t do everything by himself.
Little boy: But why are they dressed like Santa?
Mother, exasperated: I don’t know.
–3 train, Times Square
Overheard by: Eric Kuo
Little kid: Hey, mom! Check it out! (chokes himself with own hands)
Mom: Oh, don't do that, honey, you'll damage your brain!
–State St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ben
Little boy: But how do I know you’re not part of the Martian menace?
Dad, deadpan: You don’t.
–110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Alexandra
Eight-year-old to dad: Give me another acting exercise!
Dad: Try acting not weird.
–46th St b/w 8th & 9th
Overheard by: Serena
Seven-year-old boy (spelling everything he says): D-a-d-c-a-n-I-h-a-v-e-a-d-o-g?
Dad: N-o-t-n-o-w.
Seven-year-old boy: Shut yo’ mouth!
–Uptown 6 Train
Catholic schoolgirl: This bitch said she didn’t go to the bank! She said last week she was going to pay me and didn’t — mind you, I lent her the money a month ago. This bitch got a gambling problem.
Catholic schoolboy: Damn.
Catholic schoolgirl: Watch — next time I’ma be like, ‘Mom I want my money.’
–6 train
Overheard by: Frais
Woman #1: Didn’t she send her children to Israel?
Woman #2: No, that was Germany. It was free, one of those “Sorry we killed your family, come back and see us sometime” things.
–Sunnyside, SI
Boy (shouting): Damn son, smell like train up in here!
Flaming gay guy: You aint smellin' like flowers either, 'kay?
–D Train
