Lies

Girl #1: So he just made up lies about her? What an asshole!
Girl #2: Well, they aren't necessarily lies…
Girl #1: You mean it's true?
Girl #2: Think about it. (pause) I mean, she's so skinny. And they're so perky.

–NYU Silver Center

Small Jewish woman on the phone: Hey, so sorry, I'm running late. I'm just leaving my house now. I woke up with a horrible cold…
Post office worker: Miss?
Small Jewish woman on the phone: Oh wait… It's my turn… I'm actually in line at the post office… Oh and when I see you, absolutely no hugs, I am very contagious!

–Post Office, London Terrace

Overheard by: wish I had a bottle of purel

Dad: Katie! Katie! Where are you?

Little girl emerges.

Dad: What are you doing?! Never do that again. You know what happens when you walk away from Daddy? Some evil man comes and decides to take you and keep you forever.

–ABC Carpet, 19th & Broadway

Overheard by: hjane

Hobo #1: Hey, how's it going?
Hobo #2: Okay.
Hobo #1: I'll call you tonight!
Hobo #2: I don't have a phone.
Hobo #1: I know.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Natalie

Woman: You know I lie. I lie all the time. But I lie about little things, I don’t lie about big things. That’s a big thing, I wouldn’t lie about that!

–Midtown

College girl: So you’re a real farmer! What do you have? Cows, pigs, sheep…?
Long-haired guy in overalls: No, no — had to get rid of the sheep. They were all liars.

–D train

Overheard by: Murray

Black guy: Man, Asia and Africa is totally disinterconnected!

–E train

Guy on cell: She has no idea I’ve been on steroids all week!

–City Hall Park

Overheard by: Bria Dunham

College girl #1: I really want to live alone, but they won’t let me move out of the dorm.
College girl #2: Tell them you have leprosy.

–F train

Little girl, in very loud voice: Mommy, how old are you?
Older woman: Twenty-two.
Little girl: No, you're not! You're like fifty something!

–JFK

Woman: How’s witness prep going?
Man: Not good. I just can’t keep the story straight.

–Line to get into Daily Show