Wednesday One-Liners Did Chop Down That Cherry Tree

Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Cuny Graduate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: Squiggs

Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Overheard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!

–125th St. Subway platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.

–N Train

Overheard by: john

Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: melissa

Posted on March 19, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Crazy, Education, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Lies, Love, Marriage, On Cell, On the Subway, Players, Politics, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

Wednesday One-liners Look Busted

Man: Wow, that woman looks exactly the way Nina is going to look in about ten years…Oh shit, it is Nina. Don’t tell her what I said, okay?

–Emerald Planet, Great Jones Street

Posted on January 29, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Friendship, Lies, Men, One-liners, Soho

I Like a Lady Who Can See Over the Counter at Duane Reade

Eight-year-old thuglet: Yo, the 14-year-old one was hot. I liked her.
Friend: Yo, cuz’, you can’t get no 14-year-old girl. Forget it!
Eight-year-old thuglet: Please! I could and I have!
Friend: 14? That hot?
Eight-year-old thuglet: Try 15. And hotter.

–F train

Overheard by: freckles

Posted on December 25, 2018
Kids, Lies, On the Subway, Thugs

For Emily, Wherever This Quote May Find Her

Guy on cell talking loudly: Where the fuck are you, Emily? (pause) Are you shopping? Don't lie to me, Emily! I will come over there and fucking beat the dogshit out of you. (pause) I don't care if I go to jail, it will be worth it to slap your lying ass around. (pause) You don't buy me shit, Emily. Do you buy me my underwear? No! Do you buy me socks? No! I do. What about all those purses and shoes you have? Me!
Random Dominican teenage girl: Damn, Emily really don't buy him nothing.

–Lucky Star Bus

Overheard by: chinatown bus traveler

Posted on October 7, 2018
Bus, Clothing, Dominicans, Fighting and ass kicking, Guys, Insults, Lies, On Cell, On the Bus, Prison, Questions, Shoes, Shopping, Teens, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Polygraph

Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.

–Rite Aid, The Bronx

Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood… Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!

–St. Mark's Place

Russian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.

–Q Train, Kings Highway

Overheard by: Robert

Dude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.

–Martin Luther King High School

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.

–Park Slope

Female suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.

–Washington Square Park

Woman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.

–1st & 72nd

Overheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least

Posted on September 16, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Lies, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Punks, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Time, Tourism, Travel, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Well, ‘Hotel’ Means ‘Bar’ and ‘Girls’ Means ‘Boys’

Queer #1 on cell: Hey, Dad! Yeah, I’m at the hotel in Midtown right now… Yep, it’s just me… I think a couple of girls are coming over later… Haha, yeah, you know how I roll with them. I’ll talk to you later, Dad [hangs up].
Queer #2: Liar, liar, pants on fire!

–Broadway & Broome

Overheard by: django

Posted on August 1, 2018
Lies, Parents, Queer guys, Sexuality, Soho

Your Boyfriend Must Be Incredibly Sexually Frustrated

30-something guy: Don't tell me you have a boyfriend, I know that's not true.
20-something girl: Actually, I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say “I don't do dick.” But cool, have a nice day! (smiles and leaves)

–Grand Central Shuttle

Posted on May 18, 2018
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Lies, On the Subway, Penis, Relationships, Sexuality

That’s Actually an Excellent Lie

College girl #1: That guy is so awkward.
College girl #2: Yeah, and I think he lies a lot. Like, one time I asked him if he was a virgin or not, and he said: “I’m not sure, because the girl didn’t bleed.”
College girl #1: Yeah… Wait, what?

–A Train

Overheard by: Lizzie

Posted on March 24, 2018
Blood & bleeding, Default, Friends, Lies, On the Subway, Sorority Girls, Virginity, Weirdness

Quick– Push Me Down and Take My Wallet!

Girl #1, getting off the Newark express bus: It's so good to be home.
Girl #2, after walking away from crowd: Stop pretending that you live here!
Girl #1: But it's fun!

–41st & Broadway

Overheard by: really does live here

Posted on January 4, 2018
Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus

And the Time She Said I Had a Miscarriage?

Guy #1: No, man, she’s been lying for a while now.
Guy #2: I dunno, man…
Guy #1: It’s true. Remember that time I was like, “Hey, where’s your baby?” And she was like, “Oh yeah…I had a miscarriage.”
Guy #2: True. True.

–Pick a Bagel, 3rd Ave between 22nd & 23rd

Overheard by: Shannon

Posted on November 18, 2017
Abortion, Friends, Guys, Lies, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Store, Talking/Convos

Lies