Manhattan

Guy: …and they’d been trying to get pregnant for a while. Like two years. And I just, I thought she had so much anxiety and that wasn’t the right atmosphere to conceive. And so, I wrote them a song called “There’s a Baby on the Way” and a few months later the whole family was together and they announced they were pregnant. And I told them that I’d written a song “There’s a Baby on the Way” and that I’d written it June 10th. And she’s like, “That‘s the day we found out.” And my other friends in LA, they’d been trying and I played them the song and sure enough…

–Eat Gourmet Foods, Madison Avenue

Hipster guy: Two black guys fucking two white bitches on Martin Luther King day. That shit’s trippy. I bet that was what that whole “I have a dream” shit was really about. The right to fuck white bitches.

–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd

Teen girl: …You know they didn’t have guns back then…But if they did, Jesus would have shot them niggas.

–Williamsburg

Girl #1: Look at the clerk…You know what they say about Chinese
clerks…
Girl #2: Shh, Jord, let’s not be racist in public.

–Blockbuster, 56th & 1st

Girl: Do you ever think about us? Like, how many more of us there are than of you?
Professor guy: Of course. That’s why I always pack heat.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Jeff

Dude: Wait, who’s Pete?
Chick: Pete’s the guy who’s sleeping with John’s girlfriend.
Dude: Oh, right.

–Office, 48th & 6th

Overheard by: this guy

Guy #1: You mean the roommate who sleeps naked on the top bunk?
Guy #2: No, that’s Bobby. I’m talking about Steve. He’s the one who farts all the time.
Guy #1: My bad.

–81st & Broadway

Overheard by: Dr. X

Tourist lady: Um, I have a non-train related question.
MTA guy: What?
Tourist lady: Is there a nice place to get some coffee or tea around here?
MTA guy: Yeah, outside.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: rod vanderlaan

Announcement: Please be nice going on and off the escalators.

–Smith-9th Streets station

Overheard by: Fulcanelli

Girl #1: I don’t understand why they gotta say “How you doin'” and “Have a nice day.”
Girl #2: They’re trying to be nice, stupid.

–KFC, 125th & 7th

Overheard by: Edwina P. Garza

Drunk guy: What is this, some sort of sausage fest in here or something?

–The Park men’s room, 10th Avenue

Tween girl: Why isn’t she smiling?
Mom: Honey, the French gave her to us. Smiling is an American thing.
Dad: Listen to your mother, she knows a lot.

–Circle Line

Guy: Yeah, that’s the first thing I learned when I moved here: don’t eat street meat, it’s probably pigeon or something.
Girl #1: Yeah, I wish I could get my husband to stop eating it.
Girl #2: I don’t care what kind of meat it is as long as it’s in my mouth.
Girl #1: That’s my sister; she’s looking for a hook-up.
Girl #2: No, I’m not!
Guy: I’m married.

–Irving Plaza, Irving Place

Overheard by: Johnny Tremain