Moms

Kid on stool: Mom, can I jump off and be Naaaaaaacho?
Mom: You already broke your arm. You can’t be Nacho right now.

–Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway

Little girl on bathroom line: Mommy, let’s go in that one.
She points to the men’s room
Mother: No honey, that one is for boys. You can’t go in there until you’re 25 and at a bar and you really have to go.

–Panorama, 85th and 2nd

Headline by: Michael Johns

Runners-Up:

· “Hoochie-mama Knows Best” – senzanome

· “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” – William Levy

· “Daddy Always Lets Me” – David Kafrissen

· “Drew Barrymore at the E.T. Wrap Party” – Marc

· “Old enough to pee, good enough for me” – Big Jacobi

· “Ah, the natural desire to return to your place of conception” – MarcusJ

· “Mind Your Pees And Queues” – Dave Barnette

· “This life lesson brought to you by Bacardi” – RyRy

Honorable mentions:

· “…. And he’s really good looking, or he has coke” – Ryan

· “It’s also OK if you’re dragged” – Steve Estes

· “Don’t forget to put the seat back up when you’re done.” – Deek

· “Therapist session (retroactive)” – noa

· “Passing the Torch” – Jessy B

· “Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarden” – M. Walker

· “Barfly: Generations” – Derek L.

· “Paris Hilton’s First, And Last, Babysitting Gig” – John P.

· “Never To Early To Have Penis Envy” – Brian Drew

· “Void Where Prohibited” – Dave Barnette

· “Or completely out of money” – Natalie

· “How to raise a winner” – Adina C

· “Because that’s how you’ll get respect, honey” – Amanda

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Little boy to his mother: Mommy, remember the last time you made a mistake?

–Manhattan-bound A train

Boy with ice cream: Does the five-second rule apply to sidewalks?

–92nd & Madison

Little boy to duck: Uh, what the fuck, dude?

–Harlem Meer, Central Park

Overheard by: robin b

Mom taking photos of son: Smile, sweetie.
[click click] Mom: Smile from within, honey.
[click click] Mom: Smiling from within means smile like you’re happy on the inside.
[click click] Mom: Okay, not that much.

–Prospect Park

Mother: You know that she has learning disabilities, right? You know what it means when someone has a learning disability?
Eight-year-old girl: I should get myself a lawyer. No one ever tells me anything.

–1 train from 86th

Overheard by: David Lock

A little girl is climbing onto an outdoor table, reaching for an ashtray.

Mom: No honey, don’t touch that.
Dad: Yeah, that’s what killed grandma.

–Soda Bar, Brooklyn

Overheard by: this guy

Tween girl: Why isn’t she smiling?
Mom: Honey, the French gave her to us. Smiling is an American thing.
Dad: Listen to your mother, she knows a lot.

–Circle Line

A little tries to stuff his baseball cap in his pants.

Mother: That cap belongs on your head!
Little boy: It is on my head.

–Macy’s, West 34th Street

Mom: …so I was making a roast, but the thing was that I only had chicken stock gravy. Chicken stock gravy! So I used it! On the beef!
Chick: You live on the edge, Mom.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: djlindee

Chick on cell: Mother! That duvet situation is a complete nightmare!

–59th & Madison