Moms

Dad: How old are you?
Teen boy: Thirteen.
Dad: How old are you?
Mom: You know he’s thirteen.
Dad: It says here that if you’re eleven or younger, you get in free… How old are you?
Teen: Oh. Eleven.

–Roxy Deli

Overheard by: Kelsey
Headline by: Tom Dorey

Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Forget, Your Mom’s Your Grandma And She Got That Black Eye Playing Bingo” – Kate
· “And it’s cheaper than regression therapy” – Kim
· “But He is 19 on Myspace” – DanC
· “Good Answer. Now Give Me $10 For Your Mother And Me.” – Hobo Whisperer
· “Good…now go shave your balls.” – Colin
· “If Your Mom Hadn’t Lied About her Age, You WOuldn’t Be Here Now” – Jason
· “Sorry, Not Applicable to Jews” – djingo
· “Still paying down the debt from Dad’s mid-life crisis” – Allison
· “You Know What I Like Better Than Welfare Checks? Nothing.” – Amos
· “You know I only get paid for sending them pre-teens” – kasey

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McN

Mother: Kasey! Get away from the street! Those cabs will run right over you!
Kasey: But Dad is almost in the road!
Mother: Do you think I care what your father does??

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: jenn

Mother: Katie, why did you punch Audrey?
Young girl: Um, because she didn’t want to fight with me.

–15th St & Prospect Park West, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gary Wax

Child: Mommy, what’s that smell?
Mother: That’s the city, honey.

–44th & 8th

Little girl: Mom, look! I saw that lady on TV! That lady is on TV!
Mom: What lady? Where?
Little girl: That fat lady! That fat lady over there is on TV!

–Dinosaur BBQ, W 131st St

Overheard by: Alison R.

Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?

–49th & 7th

Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?

–Egyptian Wing, the Met

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.

–UCBT, 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Tobster

Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You’ve already blown me.

Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus

Overheard by: Sara

Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.

–1 train

Overheard by: i like toes

Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.

–34th & 8th

Little girl: Where does the H train go, mommy?
Mom: There is no H train.
Little girl: I train?
Mom: No I train either.
Little girl: J train? Where does the J train go?
Mom: To Brooklyn. [Pause] Nowhere we’d ever go.

–F train, between West 4th & 14th

Thirty-something mom: Just to be clear, it isn’t a vibrator. It’s just a dildo.

–TKTS line

Guy on cell: So you’re expecting the crackhead’s knife to be sterilized?

–outside Grand Central

Little English girl: Where are we now, Mummy?
English Mummy: We’re in New York, in America.
Little English girl: [sigh] We’re still in America?

–Union Square East

Overheard by: Manhattman