Mother: When you go into the stall do not sit down on that toilet seat!
Girl: OK, Mommy.
Mother closes the door and goes into the next stall.
Girl: Mommy?
Mother: Yes?
Girl: I’m sittin’ all over this toilet!
Mother: Girl, I told you not to sit on that toilet!
–Wendy’s ladies room, W. 34th and 8th Ave
Daughter: You’re always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know…”da da da da da I’m loooovin’ it.”
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.
–Central Park
Mother: Hey, have you been to the freak show…lately?
–Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: Matt Law
His Baby’s Momma: He don’t pay child support. He don’t ever see her. That’s it! I’m calling his fucking parole officer!
–West Village
Son: Is rain alien acid or regular acid?
Mom: Regular acid.
–43 Street & 9th Avenue
Overheard by: Ethan Knecht
Where: E. 86th St.
Mother to kindergartener: “You do too know who Derek Jeter is! He da one with da nice butt–BOOM!!”
Where: Wendy’s, Caesar’s Bay
Mom Customer: “Can you exchange this Kid’s Meal toy for me? I need something for a girl to play with.”
Ma: She said, “OK, Mommy!”. She took it like an angel. She’s really good at taking medicine.
–D train
Mom: What are you, stupid? 14 minus 34 is not 30 blocks. It’s ten!
Daughter: No it’s not.
Mom: Oh yeah, wait. It’s twenty.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Rehey11
Brooklyn mom: You are the only kid I have ever met who doesn't like goat cheese.
Nine-year-old: Peanut butter!
–Brooklyn Heights
