Wednesday One-Liners Are History, Dude

Guy holding baby: I’ve decided I’m going to write a pop-up history of the ancient world, based on Herodotus. Should be great for babies.

–Strand Bookstore

American history tutor: The only dictator I know of is Hugo Chavez, and that’s because I met him.

–Jake’s Saloon, 57th & 10th

Overheard by: poor kid’s gonna fail that test

Rich mom with two kids: … And it was named after our country’s first president, Christopher Columbus.

–117th & Broadway

Overheard by: doesn’t get columbus day off

Guy to friend: If I can make it through the ’80s, I can make it through anything.

–Astor Pl

Overheard by: squishduck

Professor: Sigismondo Malatesta was the only person in history to ever be publicly consigned to Hell by the pope. Now, that’s when a pope was a pope. I wish the pope would just get on TV and say, ‘You’re going to Hell!’

–Fordham University – Rose Hill

Overheard by: Christina

Guy: Wait, have I ever told you guys about my irrational fear of the late 1800s?

–NYU dorm

Overheard by: Danimal

Posted on August 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Christianity, Church, Dads, Default, Education, Fears, Fordham, Friends, God Squad, Guys, History & Geography, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, NYU, Rich people, Stupidity, Sweat, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I’m Breaking Out the Good Chronic Tonight

Mom to son exiting criminal court: So, what did they say ’bout all them drugs you do?
Young son: Nothin’! They didn’t even ask, so I didn’t say anything.
Mom: Wow! I am so proud of you.

–161st, Bronx

Posted on August 8, 2014
Boys, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drugs, Family Ties, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, The Bronx

Mind Your Gap, Kimberly

Conductor: Next stop, Lexington.
Four-year-old girl, cutting him off: Shut up! Shut up!
Mother: Who are you tellin to shut up?
Four-year-old girl: That man! We *know* where we is!
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors.
Four-year-old girl: We know! This ain't the first time we rode a train, sir!

–N Train

Posted on August 7, 2014
Conductors, Directions, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity

A Little Potty Humor–Literally

Mother: When you go into the stall do not sit down on that toilet seat!
Girl: OK, Mommy.

Mother closes the door and goes into the next stall.

Girl: Mommy?
Mother: Yes?
Girl: I’m sittin’ all over this toilet!
Mother: Girl, I told you not to sit on that toilet!

–Wendy’s ladies room, W. 34th and 8th Ave

Posted on August 6, 2014
Advice, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Parents, Pee, Poop, Restaurants & Cafes, Stall Spies

Super-size Me, Mr. Bond

Daughter: You’re always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know…”da da da da da I’m loooovin’ it.”
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.

–Central Park