Tourist dad: Oh my god, why does it say Grand Central? Guys, get off the train! Why is it Grand Central?
Chick: If you’re trying to go to Times Square just wait on that platform.
Tourist dad: No, we’re trying to go to Grand Central Station.
Chick: Um, well, you’re here.
Tourist dad: Grand Central Terminal? How is it Grand Central?
–7 train
Tourist with map: I don’t get it. What’s the difference between the dot stations and the circle stations?
Eccentric New Yorker: Oh, I have no idea. I travel by process of elimination. I get out at a station and see where I am until I get to the right place. I’ve been everywhere. Sheepshead Bay, Kew Gardens…
–Q train
Overheard by: A White Bear
Girl #1: Oh my God! You live in the middle of nowhere!
Girl #2: Honey, on no one’s map is Greenwich Village considered the middle of nowhere.
Girl #1: Whatever, it’s really far from the Upper East Side.
–Thompson & Houston
Guy #1: Is this Broadway and Houston?
Guy #2: Yes. I think we're in SoHo.
Guy #3: No, this is just Ho.
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: NewYorkerNick
Gray Line tour guide: … And then I looked up into one of these fabulous brownstone buildings and there was a naked woman. She did a dance for the entire bus. Completely naked. Eye contact and everything. That’s why I never look into windows anymore…
–The Village
Girl to friend: As long as they don’t know that you’re naked, it’s okay.
–68th St
Crazy guy: One… Two… Three… Naked!
–A train
Overheard by: quietly laughing to herself
Man to another: In my neighborhood, once you walk past Avenue A, none of the men are wearing shirts.
–47th & 10th
Overheard by: MuffinPuffin
Man to landlord, in Polish: There is this naked woman and naked man constantly running around the basement at night. We just can’t let this guy keep doing this.
–Nassau Ave
Overheard by: Izabela
Excited chick on cell: I just took my shirt off! In a room full of people talking their shirts off!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Tourist, tapping man on shoulder: Excuse me sir, would you mind pointing me to the Empire State Building, please?
Man, pointing at the sky: See that building? The shiny big one, with all the pretty lights? Walk straight towards it.
Tourist: Thank you, my good man!
–Downing St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emma
Stupid tourist girl: Where you heading?
Not-so-stupid tourist, pointing to Empire State Building: We're going there.
Stupid tourist girl: What's that?
Not-so-stupid tourist: Seriously? It's the Empire State Building.
Stupid tourist girl: How am I supposed to know? I've never been here before!
–E 14th St
Headline by: thirsy
Runners-Up:
· “Hey! There’s a Giant Drag Queen in the Harbor!” – Nick Pollotta
· “Now Tell Me About the Big Shiny Blue Thing in the East” – Nick Pollotta
· “That’s What You Said When We Went to the Bathroom” – BabakganoosH
· “Why Are All These Cars Yellow?” – pbump
· “Yet She Expects Me to Find the Clitoris” – joe
· “You Mean Earth, Right?” – aliensareamongus
Daughter, looking at “NJ Transit” sign: Why does it say we’re in New Jersey?!
Mother: Aren’t we?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jay
Big black guy #1: Yo, does anybody know where we get off to go uptown?
White passenger: The next stop.
Big back guy #1: Yo, everyone shut up and listen to the white nigga! He’s givin’ us directions!
Big black guy #2: Ain’t no such thing as a white nigga, fool!
–F Train
Hipster mom: How much further are we going?
Five-year-old savant son: Well, it’s the weekend so the G train is making all the local F stops. That means six more stations from Hoyt-Schermerhorn — Jay Street-Borough Hall, Bergen Street, Carroll Street, Smith and Ninth Streets, Fourth Avenue and Seventh Avenue.
–G train
Overheard by: He even pronounced them correctly
