Daughter: Dad, where are we getting off?
Father: Um…42nd Street…Times Square…Grand Central Parkway…something like that.
Daughter: 142nd street?
Father: Yeah, something like that.
(doors open for Penn Station)
Mother: I think we should get off here.
Father and daughter: Yeah.
–Uptown 2 Train
Punk boy: Which way is Delancey Street?
Stoop guy: That’s Delancey.
Punk girl: Well, they must have moved it then.
–Essex between Delancey & Rivington
JAP: So he, like, lives in Brooklyn. On purpose.
Three friends: Ewww…
–LIRR
Guy pedalling rickshaw, on cell: No, I can’t get there. I have no bike right now. No, I’m on the train at the moment.
–34th & Broadway
Man on cell: No, I’m not outside!…I’m in the bank!…I’m in the bank…I’m telling you, I’m in the bank!
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Middle-Eastern dude on cell: Right now I am coming in a taxi cab from JFK Airport…Yes, well, I understand your concern, but you see, I am driving the taxi.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: math tinder
Conductor, speaking in a robot voice: Watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch… Sorry, my finger fell off the button. Watch the gap.
–LIRR
Train conductor: This is a Brooklyn-bound A experience to Lefferts boulevard. Have an optimistic day!
–A Train
Overheard by: soothed passenger
Conductor, in droll voice: For the fifteenth million time, there is train traffic ahead.
–1 Train
Conductor: This is 207th street, the last and final stop. Please collect all your personal belongings and leave the train. Goodnight and happy wabbit season.
–A Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Conductor: Thank you for riding on the C line, the best subway line in the whole, wide world.
–C Train
Overheard by: traPt
Conductor: If you want to get off at South Ferry, please go to the first five cars of the train. All passengers getting off at South Ferry, please move along the platform to the first five cars of the train. Yes, the front of the train is the direction the train was moving.
–1 Train
Conductor: We apologize for the delay, but this happens on the weekends. For info on service changes log onto www.mta.info. If you don’t have a computer, watch NY1, if you don’t have a TV, listen to 1010 Wins, if you don’t have a radio, call 718-330-1234, if you don’t have a phone, go home and wait for a miracle.
–N Train
Overheard by: subway rider
Tourist dad: Oh my god, why does it say Grand Central? Guys, get off the train! Why is it Grand Central?
Chick: If you’re trying to go to Times Square just wait on that platform.
Tourist dad: No, we’re trying to go to Grand Central Station.
Chick: Um, well, you’re here.
Tourist dad: Grand Central Terminal? How is it Grand Central?
–7 train
Tourist with map: I don’t get it. What’s the difference between the dot stations and the circle stations?
Eccentric New Yorker: Oh, I have no idea. I travel by process of elimination. I get out at a station and see where I am until I get to the right place. I’ve been everywhere. Sheepshead Bay, Kew Gardens…
–Q train
Overheard by: A White Bear
Girl #1: Oh my God! You live in the middle of nowhere!
Girl #2: Honey, on no one’s map is Greenwich Village considered the middle of nowhere.
Girl #1: Whatever, it’s really far from the Upper East Side.
–Thompson & Houston
Guy #1: Is this Broadway and Houston?
Guy #2: Yes. I think we're in SoHo.
Guy #3: No, this is just Ho.
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: NewYorkerNick
Gray Line tour guide: … And then I looked up into one of these fabulous brownstone buildings and there was a naked woman. She did a dance for the entire bus. Completely naked. Eye contact and everything. That’s why I never look into windows anymore…
–The Village
Girl to friend: As long as they don’t know that you’re naked, it’s okay.
–68th St
Crazy guy: One… Two… Three… Naked!
–A train
Overheard by: quietly laughing to herself
Man to another: In my neighborhood, once you walk past Avenue A, none of the men are wearing shirts.
–47th & 10th
Overheard by: MuffinPuffin
Man to landlord, in Polish: There is this naked woman and naked man constantly running around the basement at night. We just can’t let this guy keep doing this.
–Nassau Ave
Overheard by: Izabela
Excited chick on cell: I just took my shirt off! In a room full of people talking their shirts off!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
