Toddler in stroller: Fuck you! Hahaha! Fuck you! Hahaha!
Tourist mom: Did that baby just say ‘fuck you’? This is the tenth time we’ve been to the city, and I’ve never seen anything that odd.
Tourist daughter: We are on Canal Street, Mom.
Tourist mom: This is very true. Way to go, stroller kid! Yeah!
–Canal St station
Overheard by: AldaRin
Thugette on cell: Yeah, I’m planning on getting arrested this weekend. That’s my new thing now. Instead of going to the club and shit, I’m just going to get arrested.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Metrosexual: Oh my god! Did you hear that Paris Hilton just escaped from prison?
–Broadway & Prince
Mom eating fried chicken: I always thought Penn Station stop was named after a penitentiary…
–A train
Overheard by: Denning
Mocking cop to dude he just arrested: You’ve got jail!
–West Village
Black guy #1: Yes, well, we look alike because we’re fraternal twins.
Black guy #2: Yeah, you didn’t know we were brothers?
White guy: Everyone said you guys were brothers, but I figured they meant ‘brothas’ and not actual brothers.
Black guy #1: Oh… Okay. Hey, look, we’re at Shea.
–LIRR, Shea Stadium
Employee #1: So, if a nine-eleven happens, I need to stand across the park?
Employee #2: You gotta get away from tall buildings.
Employee #1: Hell, if a nine-eleven happens, I’m going to Long Island. Nobody cares about Long Island.
–Jamba Juice, 22nd & 5th
Tourist #1: Why is New York called ‘The Village’?
Tourist #2: Huh? Oh, no. Greenwich Village. It’s a section of New York.
Tourist #1: Why does it need sections?
Tourist #2: ‘Cause it’s huge. It’s like the size of Chicago or something.
–13th & 4th
Overheard by: Couldn’t help but laugh
Old lady hoochie with buck teeth, on cell: I have no fucking idea what I did between August and yesterday…
–183rd & Ft. Washington Ave
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Old man: Sex has changed since I last had it.
–14th & 7th
Irritated old fart: If we end up on Eighth Avenue, it’ll be a tragedy!
–C train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Emily B.
Old man: What do they smoke up here?
–116th & Broadway
Obnoxious woman: Excuse me, excuse me! Do you know where Park Place is?
Jaded youth: Next to Boardwalk.
Obnoxious woman: Where is that?
–E Broadway
Overheard by: Mr. Money Bags
Chick #1: You know how people will, like, tell their parents a bunch of really horrible lies to make whatever they need to tell them seem not as bad?
Chick #2: Yeah…
Chick #1: I think that’s what I’m gonna do.
Chick #2: What’s worse than getting pregnant, dropping out of school, and moving to Jersey?
–3 train
Conductor: This is your conductor speaking. This station is 125th Street… Welcome to Harlem world.
–2 train
Overheard by: mo love
Geeky white hipster: Some guy would try to mug me and I’d be like, ‘Yo, I was born in Harlem!’ And he’d be like, ‘Damn.’
–Fordham University Ram Van
Woman on cell: Yes, I’m still in Harlem.
–Flushing, Queens
Hipster waitress, after describing dull evening in Harlem: I guess you take your chances, going all the way out in the middle of nowhere like that.
–Hope & Anchor, Red Hook, Brooklyn
Friendly man to lady passerby: Good morning! [She ignores him.] Come on, this is Harlem! In Harlem we say, ‘Good morning’!
–145th & Broadway
Young black kid to group of white ladies: There goes the neighborhood!
–116th & Frederick Douglass, Harlem
Teen girl: Did you know it’s not Brooklyn-Queens Day anymore? Now all of the city gets off from school.
Little brother: It’s because the other boroughs got jealous.
–Alley Pond Park, Queens
Overheard by: Rebecca
