Thug in Navigator: Hey! Where’s Brooklyn Bridge at from here?
Guy in car: Uhhh…
Queer in back seat: You’re asking three white guys in a Connecticut car? Fuck! You ain’t gonna make it.
–Flatbush Ave, off the BQE
Overheard by: TK, third guy from CT who didn’t know either
Hipster chick: Do you think New Yorkers are mean, or are we just so jaded we’re not fazed by anything?
Hipster dude: I think it’s a combination of both.
Hipster chick: Because, well, my friend just found out he has testicular cancer, and he’s getting one of his balls removed on his birthday. And I thought that was hilarious. You know what else? Maybe New Yorkers are also whores — I seriously considered sleeping with him just so I could say I was the last person to see his left ball.
Hipster dude: That’s a bit soulless. But it’s also a little funny.
Hipster chick: See, really, if you think about it in the right way, everything is funny.
Hobo: You’re just a mean whore.
–Bedford & 6th St
Overheard by: Overheard in New York is based on that very concept
Clerk: Australia… is that here or is that one of those France places?
–Utica and Atlantic, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Keith
JAP: Then we went to Florence, and after that to the seacoast around Genoa, all these little towns — I think it’s called the Geneva Convention.
–Hip coffee shop, 71 Irving Place
JAP: So where exactly is New England? Is it in Europe?
–Duane Reade
Tourist chick, pointing far away: That’s Manhattan, right?
–Observatory, Empire State Building
Overheard by: kaja
Guy to friends: Wait, are you sure we’re not in Boston?
–86th and Park Ave.
Tourist to her family, pointing at City Hall: I’m not sure what that building is, but I’m going to guess it’s the French Embassy.
–Next to the gates outside City Hall
Girl: Mom, where is Viagra Falls?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Delilah
Conductor, as the 7 connection pulls from the station across the platform: All of you can thank the passenger in the fifth car down for holding the doors at 59th and making all of you miss your connection.
–N train at Queensboro
Conductor: All right, you had your chance… doors are closing.
–Downtown 1 train @ 42nd st
Overheard by: Mark Manne
Conductor on speaker: We will be stopping in this station for an unspecified amount of time due to our hour delay. There is no scheduled departure time for this train. Once the maintenance is finished we will be departing unannounced. I repeat, we will be leaving unannounced. So if you do decide to step off the train, remember: the train didn’t leave you–you left the train.
–Amtrak train Penn Station
Overheard by: Maggie
Conductor: Attention on the platform. There is no F service in Brooklyn this weekend. For F service to Manhattan, please get on this G train and listen for announcements. Otherwise, you will be waiting here until Monday morning.
–Queens-bound G train, Bergen St.
Overheard by: Maggie
Conductor: Welcome to Times Square, crossroads of the world. Transfer here to everything. Bye.
–7 train station, Times Square
Overheard by: Margarita
Conductor: Due to destruction, there is no service on the 1 train. Repeat, due to destruction, the 1 train is suspended.
–Downtown 2 train
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a Manhattan-bound N train. Now everybody throw their hands in the air! This is going to be fun! Whee!
–N train going around bend, pulling into Queensboro Plaza
Long Island JAP #1: Are all New York City girls drug-addict whores?
Long Island JAP #2: Yeah, but so are girls from Long Island. There’s really no difference.
Random Upper East Side JAP: Oh my god, can I just interject for a second here? Long Island girls and New York City girls are not the same thing. It is not okay to wear Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirts, and we’re all addicted to drugs because we don’t have gross Long Island weed and coke that is ninety-nine percent baking soda. And we’re whores because we’re like a thousand times hotter than you’ll ever be, even when we’re not wearing makeup. Plus, I don’t tawk like this.
Long Island JAP #1: Wow, that was, like, seriously uncalled for.
Upper East Side JAP: Yeah well, I’d rather cut off my own arms than live in Long Island. Also, I’m just high, so don’t really pay attention to me.
–Serafina, Upper East Side
Boy #1: Oh shit, that’s where they filmed Home Alone 2 look!
Boy #2: What the fuck? what you talking about?
Boy #1: The hotel. The little white kid stayed at this hotel and shit.
Boy #2: What a fag.
Boy #1: Fuck you.
–Central Park, in front of Plaza Hotel
Conductor: Due to a problem at 14th St-Union Square, this train will be going express to Brooklyn Bridge. This train will not stop at any local stops. The next stop will be Brooklyn Bridge. Switch to an uptown 6 train for all local stops. The next stop will be Brooklyn Bridge. The next stop will be Brooklyn Bridge. Brooklyn Bridge is next.
Man: What was the next stop?
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: Petey Mills
Bimbette #1: I swear, her apartment has the best view in the whole city.
Bimbette #2: Really? What’s the view of?
Bimbette #1: You can see the Empire State Building and, uh, that other building. It’s really great.
Bimbette #2: When were you there?
Bimbette #1: I wasn’t, she just told me about it.
–STK, Little West 12th St
Overheard by: I’m convinced
Man: When I look up at all these buildings and I think about the people who live in them, I only have one question: Where do they all barbeque?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Susan Elliott
Guy: James Blunt is my homie. He gets me laid, on occasion.
–Men’ s room, MTV Time Square office.
Overheard by: najork
Woman: Oooh, now we’re in the other Times Square — the one with all the lights and stuff.
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: notrob
Local: Now, the Manhattan Bridge is just a block or two that way.
–Times Square
Overheard by: A tourist that ISN’T stupid
Conductor: Because of construction, the N train will be running on the N line.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Mars the Infomage
Woman: Coming here is like going to a dirt Disneyland.
–Time Square
European tourist: This Time Square… Does it… Does it… Exist?
–42nd St & 7th Ave
Voice on loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, someone has lost a pair of ladies’ red-rimmed eyeglasses. That’s a pair of women’s glasses with red frames, looking for you. Get it? Cause they’re glasses, looking for…Oh, nevermind.
–Queens County Farm Museum
Overheard by: amused visitor
Girl: I only like white wine in Paris
–Union Pool
Overheard by: Andrea
Hobo: I am a Vietnam veteran. I cannot work due to the effects of Agent Orange. Agent Orange was used in Vietnam to kill all the vegetarians.
–Uptown R train
Cop: So what does the red light mean, dat you gotta come to a complete stop?
–Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: Goueznou
Student to tourists: No, no. The black-draped building is Silver. The white building is Brown. See?
–Broadway & Mercer
Overheard by: booksandlibretti
Coast guard officer: Oh darn, I should have worn my pink coast guard hat today.
–South Street Seaport, Avon Breast Cancer Walk
