Crackhead #1: You went to Catholic school?
Crackhead #2: Yeah… Well, not for long ’cause I got kicked out for punching a nun in the face.
Crackhead #1: Wow. Did your parents get their money back, at least?
–L train
Crackhead #1: You went to Catholic school?
Crackhead #2: Yeah… Well, not for long ’cause I got kicked out for punching a nun in the face.
Crackhead #1: Wow. Did your parents get their money back, at least?
–L train
Girl: God, whenever you kiss me on the subway your teeth hit mine! I think some drool got up my nose.
Boy: That is so hot.
–C train
Overheard by: Lauren
Girl: I can’t believe you took me to Bryant Park to propose to me!
Boy: But I want to marry you!
Girl: And you got down on one knee and what did you expect me to say?
Boy: That you will marry me?
Girl: But I can’t marry you — you sleep with boys!
–B train, 42nd St
Man #1: Yo, man! Get your ass out of my face! I ain’t no faggot.
Man #2, bent over: I’m sorry.
Man #1: I oughta put my shoe up your ass.
Man #2: I’m sorry.
Man #1: What, you didn’t see me sitting here? I don’t want your ass in my face.
Man #2: I’m sorry.
Man #1: No, you’re not.
Man #2: No, I really am sorry. I apologize. I’m sorry [quickly disembarks at next stop].
Man #1: Did you see that? I ain’t no fag.
–4 train
Woman: So, what did you do for Easter?
Man: I took my kids to Chuck E. Cheese. My ex says I never do anything for those kids. I guess I showed her, and I can’t wait to tell her that next week in court.
–N train, Astoria
Dirty Casanova: Yeah, but I always have fun over at First Ave. The other day I saw this crackhead running around naked in front of the club.
Cute girl: He must’ve been freezing.
Dirty Casanova: Yeah, I know what that’s like… Not running naked in the cold, but being addicted to crack.
–G train, Metropolitan stop
Overheard by: Jason Hamlin
Dude #1: Plus, I was watching The Sandlot, so that always stresses me out.
Dude #2: It does?
Dude #1: Yeah. Even though I know what’s going to happen, I get really anxious… That’s also the reason I don’t watch Full House.
–Q train
Overheard by: dianora
Guy #1: So, I heard this blowjob technique that sounds pretty cool, but I don’t know how to tell my girlfriend without sounding pushy.
Guy #2: Well, maybe I could do it for you.
Guy #1: Dude… That’s gay.
Guy #2: No! I meant I could tell your girlfriend for you, not do it to you!
Guy #1: Oh… Well, that’s just awkward, then.
–A train
Black girl: Okay, everybody, here’s where we learn to dance! Everybody repeat after me. To the left, to the right, to the left, to the right… [Passengers sway and laugh.]Sour WASP lady to adjacent white passenger: Is this what people are like when they’re on crack?
–3 train, 125th St
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Thug #1: I’m gonna smoke that nigga. I’m gonna smoke him. Nah… Nah, he’s real nice. I like him. But he didn’t listen to me so I gotta smoke him.
Thug #2: Okay… Sure…
–4 train
