Wednesday Blood-Liners

British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.

–1 train

Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!

–Bronx Science engineering class

Overheard by: LSB

Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?

–41st & Broadway

Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.

–1 train

Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.

–Mulberry St

Overheard by: Ashley

Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: still recovering

Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Oh My God

Posted on July 4, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Bronx Science, Business and Commerce, Classroom, Cleanliness, Clothing, Crazies, Death, Family Ties, Foreigners, Girlfriends, Hobos, Little Italy, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, School, School and studying, Science, Staten Island Ferry, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Bronx, Vomit

Okay, but Did You Have to Put My Hand in Warm Water?

Tourist kid looking at digital camera, whining: She took a picture of me sleeping!
Tourist mom: You erase it and you die!

–6 train

Posted on July 2, 2007
Gripes, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Talking/Convos, Threats, Tourists, Visual Art

“Soulmate” Conversations Are Graded on a Sliding Scale

Lady: Oh, man, I hate it when it rains, because there’s water and you get wet.
Male companion: Yes, I know exactly what you mean.

–6 train, 86th & Lex

Overheard by: Beth

Posted on June 30, 2007
Friends, On the Subway, Stupidity, Weather

Gotta Love Those Kennedys

Girl #1: Anyhow, I kept telling him no, but he did. Then this morning I realized that I was raped.
Girl #2: Oh my god…
Girl #1: Yeah, but it was the best sex I ever had. But I didn’t want it.

–B train

Posted on June 29, 2007
Girls, On the Subway, Rape, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Violence

Perhaps Some Nice Soy Chunks That Smell Like Feet?

Father: Can we just go to McDonald’s for dinner?
Little girl: Dad! You know I can’t have trans-fat.

–Queens-bound 7 train

Overheard by: Patricia

Posted on June 28, 2007
Dads, Diet/Weight, Food, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, On the Subway, Parents

Wednesday One-Liners Get an “A” in Conduct

Conductor: This is the 2:40 local train to Babylon. For those of you who have not passed out, this train makes all local stops. For those of you who have passed out… I’ll see you in Babylon…

–LIRR train leaving Penn Station

Overheard by: Bill Reese

Conductor: The next stop is Harlem, 125th. Then we’re off to Grand Central Terminal. Write it down, you passengers, write it down.

–Metro-North

Sarcastic, monotone conductor: This is a D train to Manhattan… apparently. [Later] Woo-hoo. Finally, 36th Street.

–D train

Overheard by: i don’t like that dude

Conductor: This is Carroll Street. If you transfer to the uptown F or G train here, there are less stairs, but there is a nice breeze at Smith and Ninth Street.

–F train

Overheard by: Eileen

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being held here because the drawbridge is in the open position, and I don’t think I know how to swim.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: mark

Conductor: This train goes straight to Newark-Penn Station. Newark, the pride of the Passaic river!

–NJ Transit, Penn Station

Overheard by: Care

Conductor: For those of you that are interested, Penn Station is next. For those that aren’t, it still is.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Xavier

Posted on June 27, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Grand Central, On the Subway, Penn Station, Travel

How Am I Doing Now?

Girl: Didn’t your mother ever teach you if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say a fucking thing?
Guy: Um…
Girl: You’re such a dick! God, what a motherfucker.

–1 train

Posted on June 25, 2007
Anger Management, Etiquette, Family Ties, Friends, Insults, On the Subway, Talking/Convos

You’re Just the Top of Her Slippery Slope

Teen thug #1: You met her in rehab? Son, you was only there three days…!
Teen thug #2: Yo, but check this out — she’s 35!
Teen thug #1: Son, she gonna drop yo’ ass when she finds out how old you are!
Teen thug #2: I already told her.
Teen thug #1, after long pause: Shit, then she a pedophile, son!

–F train

Overheard by: Missin the city

Posted on June 25, 2007
Hook Ups, On the Subway, Teens, Thugs

Violating the Rules Set Forth at the Geneva Convention

Late twenties girl: Were you part of that food fight Friday night?
Early thirties guy: Yeah, I got hit with a buttered roll. Someone actually buttered the roll before they threw it.

–6 train

Overheard by: Erica

Posted on June 23, 2007
Food, On the Subway, Violence

One of the Feral Children of the Subway System

School child #1: Yo, Tupac is still alive.
School child #2: Yeah, I heard that, too. I heard he’s strippin’. He’s a stripper in LA.

A small child with them gets off train.

Old woman: Get back on the train! [Small child gives her the finger with both hands and runs away.]School child #1: Yo, who is that kid?
School child #2: I don’t know. I saw him in the bathroom. He was takin’ a shit and he came out and smiled at me… And that’s how I know him.

–G train

Posted on June 23, 2007
Kids, On the Subway, Poop

On the Subway