Flabby hipster #1: She had that anorexic fuzz on her neck.
Flabby hipster #2: Ew!
Flabby hipster #3: No, that’s bulimic fuzz.
Flabby hipster #1: It’s for both.
Flabby hipster #2: That is gross. You would think that having that fuzz would be some incentive to eat.
–F train
Mother: You were a jerk for years.
Son: No, I was a cokehead. There’s a huge difference.
–F train
Overheard by: Shaun Laika
Woman #1, looking at Bodog Fight poster: Man, that fight can’t be real, those guys are way too old. That fight is going to suck.
Woman #2: I heard that.
Woman #1: Don’t they have fights between little celebrities?
Woman #2: Uh…
Woman #1: I think I saw Webster, you know, Emmanuel Lewis, fighting that little motherfucker from Diff’rent Strokes. What’s his real name?
Woman #2: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Woman #1: Well, that’s the fight I want to see.
–B train
Dude #1: So I was, like, having intercourse with my girlfriend’s mom, and my girlfriend came home and caught us.
Dude #2: That happened to me before.
–D train
Overheard by: Ed
Mom unwrapping granola bar for child: Now, eat this over my purse. I don’t want you getting crumbs everywhere.
Four-year-old: Why?
Mom: Rats like crumbs, and we do not want to contribute to the rat problem.
Four-year-old: Rats? I want to see the rats!
Mom: No! We won’t be a part of the problem.
Four-year-old: Where are the rats?!
–1 train
Overheard by: turtle
Drag queen: Hey, were you in prison?
Angry man: Yeah, I was.
Drag queen: That’s where I know you from!
Angry man: Oh, yeah, hey! How are you?
Drag queen: I’m good. It’s so good to see you!
–E train, 42nd St
Eye candy: Why would he say that I was not educated?
Friend: Well, that’s not exactly what he said, now was it?
Eye candy: No, he said I was tapid and voided of thought.
Friend: Vapid and devoid of thought.
Eye candy: Same thing.
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Kid #1: … So then I took a waffle and I filled it with eggs and grits and syrup, and I folded the whole thing up and ate it like a taco…
Kid #2: What? You’re going to catch diabetes that way!
Kid #3: What are grits, anyway? What do grits taste like?
Kid #1: Syrup. They taste like syrup.
–Canarsie-bound L train
Chick: Ugh, I cannot wait to get these stupid stitches out!
Guy: You got stitches? What happened?
Chick: My roommate kept threatening to cut a bitch… She finally did.
–R train
Five-year-old boy: Daddy, why is Mommy crying?
Unemotional father: Son, your mother is crying because you are an asshole.
–1 train
