On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Mention the Unmentionables

Man, pointing at window display: That’ll make a nice gift for the wife: a pair of underwear that say “SALE” across the ass. Classy.

–Outside Victoria’s Secret, Herald Square

Overheard by: sean

Hipster chick: Quite frankly I’d rather wash all my bras tonight.

–F train

Overheard by: braincurve

Woman to five elderly ladies: All right, ladies, put your underwear on and let’s go.

–L&B Spumoni Gardens, 86th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Chick on cell: So how long did it take the four of you to find your bra the next morning?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Jess is hot.

Girl on cell: I am so not letting my underwear go on a date with his underwear.

–Prince & Broadway

Some People Shouldn’t Watch NOVA

Backpacker #1: What’s up with this DNA crap?
Backpacker #2: Yeah, I know…
Backpacker #1: Yeah… Like, that spiral staircase they show on TV — where is that in your body?
Backpacker #2: Yeah, dude, for real.
Backpacker #1: Yeah, man, you can’t trust science.

–Brooklyn-bound 4 train

You’re Dreaming If You Think They’re Interesting

Chick #1: One of my friend’s moms has unholy thoughts about Charlie Rose.
Chick #2: One of my friends has dreams about having sex with her family’s minivan. And not humping the side of it, either. We’re talking full on, riding the stick-shift sex. Hmmm.
Chick #1: We run with an interesting crowd.

–1 train

Overheard by: Djlindee

Are You Sure One's Not Just a Teeny Bit More British?

Hipster guy: I can never tell the difference between Ralph Fiennes and Raif Fiennes.
Hipster girl: That's because they're the same person.

–W Train

Overheard by: Andrew

Once You Go Blue, You Dunno What to Do

Ghetto chick: What the fuck is with all the cops at this station?
Punk chick: I don’t know.
Ghetto chick: I mean I’m fuckin’ one and all but damn, I still don’t like them.

–6 train

Overheard by: tasha

So I Refused to Continue Delivering Her Baby

Man: I just don't know why it had to be so dramatic.
Woman: Joe, she kicked me in the face. Twice.

–R Train

Overheard by: LH

His Next Move Was to Ask a Friendly Police Officer Where He Could Procure Some

Foreigner, showing bong: And here is what I bought today.
Ghetto kid: Yeah, whatcha gonna put in there? Tobacco?
Foreigner: Yes, I put the tobacco in here. The tobacco.
Ghetto kid: No, man. You gotta put some weed in there. You ever heard of weed?
Foreigner: Weed? No…weed? I don’t understand.
Ghetto kid: Get some weed. You put a little weed in there, smoke it up, and you’re set.
Foreigner: Yes, thank you. Weed.

–Brooklyn bound B train

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

His Bowels Found It Moving

Guy #1: Dude, I just shit in my pants.
Guy #2: My story wasn’t that funny.
Guy #1: No, I really took a shit in my pants.

–N train

Less Than Truthful Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. I promise it will never. happen. again.

–uptown C train

Man screaming on cell : Nah, I didn’t lie to you about nuthin’. [Pause] Even if I did lie, I sho’ wouldn’t tell you about it!

–43rd & 6th

Overheard by: C Mike

She’ll Need It When She Gets Her Ass Kicked

A woman on a crowded train has put her bag on a seat and is standing in front of it.

Girl: Are you going to sit down?
Lady: Yes.
Girl: When?
Lady: Soon. I’m warming it up.

–A train

Overheard by: LSB

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