Teen guy #1: I need a Japanese tutor. I found this guy for $35 for like an hour and a half; it's a really good deal 'cuz it's usually like $50 for an hour.
Teen guy #2: Math tutors are the best.
Teen guy #1: But I need a Japanese tutor.
Teen guy #2: Yeah, but math tutors are the best deal.
–E Train
Overheard by: legume
Drunk guy #1: Yeah, everyone says that if Obama gets elected, he'll get assassinated. But I don't know, man.
Drunk guy #2: Fuck it, I'm voting for John McClane.
–F Train
Girl #1: I keep all my money in that piggy bank you gave me.
Girl #2: Piggy bank?
Girl #1: Actually it was a bear, wasn’t it? I save my money in that piggy bear.
–7 train
Mom: We can go to Coney Island this summer. It's not closed, just some of the rides.
Kid: Mom, what's a trophy wife?
–1 Train
Little Boy: Mommy, Mommy, I want a fish!
Mom: No.
Little Boy: Why?
Mom: Because first you’ll like it, then it’ll start to smell, then it will die, and then you’ll cry.
–6 train
Teen thug #1: You spent a thousand dollas on that chain?!
Teen thug #2: Yeah.
Teen thug #1: A thousand dollas? On that bullshit?!
Teen thug #2: This is titanium, son! Ain’t nothin’ stronger than this!
–3 train, 125th St
Overheard by: vegannramember@gmail.com
Weird hobo: Ladies and gentleman, I am a disabled Vietnam vet. I'm asking help from all of you so I don't wind up on the streets. While in Vietnam, I was exposed to Agent Orange, which caused me my disability–I became a vegetarian.
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: An Amused Former Vegetarian
Aging hippie to woman spouting PETA propaganda: I've been a vegan for 30 years. You're embarrassing me. Why do you do that?
–F Train
Overheard by: AeC
Guy: Yo, I'm vegetarian now, I don't eat no meat, but man I love that chicken. That chicken just keeps comin' back to me!
–Manna's
Overheard by: eatinginharlem
Crazy-looking woman on bench: Oh my gosh, I was totally a vegetarian yesterday. Like literally, I ate no meat.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Meat Eater
Clueless 20-something female: Do you have another menu? I'm a vegan.
–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, 31st St
Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!
–Prospect Heights
Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.
–Battery Park Starbucks
30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.
–Chinatown Bus
Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.
–Upper East Side
Girl #1: What can we do tomorrow?
Girl #2: I found a place that makes great Mimosas at lunch time. We get get drunk at noon and then sober up before we have to babysit.
–D train
Overheard by: Kirk
A kid is trying to get bubblegum off his face.
Kid #1: Yo, you know you can use an ice cube to get that off.
Kid #2: Where the fuck am I supposed to get an ice cube now? Besides, how’s that gonna help?
Kid #1: Dumbass. When the gum is cold it’s not sticky anymore. Haven’t you ever chewed gum in the shower?
–Uptown 6 train
Overheard by: Bert
