White girl: Yeah, they’re actually adults. They just look like children because, you know, they’re Asian.
–Asian Pacific American Heritage Festival, Union Square
Overheard by: Kelly
White girl: He really was the smallest black guy I’ve ever fucked…and believe me, I’ve fucked plenty of black guys.
–Union Square
Black guy to Asian woman: We fucking taught you people martial arts! Egypt? What!
–Washington Square Park
Girl on cell: I feel so dirty…He rubbed oil all over my body. He’s short, but he has blue eyes…so hot…I’d let him crawl all over me!
–Hoboken PATH
Old blind woman singing for money in the train: I’ll rub hot oil all over your body … and God bless the child, that’s got his own, that’s got his own.
–F train downtown
Hobo lady: I been pussy fucked; I been ass fucked; I been titty fucked–and that was fun–but there ain’t no love like the love of Jesus.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Ben Beckley
Crazy old woman: It’s the United States government, they did this — ruined my hair, my skin, my nails.
–25th & 3rd
Overheard by: nina
Boy: If you can find that channel on cable, it’s all Castro, all the time.
–1st Ave & 11th
Overheard by: Elmer Colon
Guy on payphone: I didn’t say anything about smacking the fuck out of your country.
–91st & 1st
Girl on cell: Hey [Kate], it’s [Angie]. I was just wondering what the fuck I did last night. Call me later.
–Henry Street & Love Lane, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: sarah
Girl on cell: Apparently, I took my pants off.
–Queens Blvd & 59th St, Queens
Overheard by: Nina
Guy: I might move to the South Bronx/Washington Heights. SoBro is getting gentrified.
I’d like to get there before all the hipsters move in.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl: Just start saying it, they’ll think you’re cool. It’s New York.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Guy: Man, we gotta get you on a J-Date sometime soon.
–53rd & 1st
Overheard by: Pam, Lauren, and Gloria
Limo driver: If you were my girl I’d quit lying and cheating.
–55th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: turned off
Irate man on cell: It’s all the same. Because Art and Commerce merged in ’92. [Pause, yelling on the other end of the line] That’s when the NWA album came out.
–38th & 6th
Overheard by: Erin Sparling
Woman: How am I supposed to know if I like it?
–181st Invitational Exhibition of Contemporary American Art, National Academy Museum, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Beeeej
Middle-aged Latino woman to younger black woman: Listen, I got rights, ok? I mean I’ll do the time for it, I don’t care. On this train you gotta give people respect, ’cause everyone’s a person. You give ’em respect, then you punch ’em.
–M train
Twentysomething girl on cell: Because I beat the crap out of him, that’s why I got fired.
–Continental Ave & Austin St, Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sean Finnerty
Nerdy high school girl: I got a B+ on my freaking Holocaust essay. How gay is that?
–Q17 bus, Flushing
Overheard by: Lisa Berlin
Queerspotter: He’s so far inside the closet, he’s in Narnia.
–11th between 1st and A
Overheard by: Vinny C.
Drag queen: There are only two lesbian bars in New York, and that is because there are only five lesbians who tip.
–xl, 16th & 9th
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Skinny white teenage boy, pointing to a T-shirt that says New York Fucking City: Yo mom. I want this shirt in the biggest size they have.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Allisa
Mom on cell with son: Listen, you get home now, you only thirteen and you be fuckin’ all them bitches.
–Herald Square
Guy on cell: No! For the last time, you gotta set it on fire after you put it on his doorstep. [To friend] God, fucking kids these days.
–22nd & 6th
