People

Guy: …and they’d been trying to get pregnant for a while. Like two years. And I just, I thought she had so much anxiety and that wasn’t the right atmosphere to conceive. And so, I wrote them a song called “There’s a Baby on the Way” and a few months later the whole family was together and they announced they were pregnant. And I told them that I’d written a song “There’s a Baby on the Way” and that I’d written it June 10th. And she’s like, “That‘s the day we found out.” And my other friends in LA, they’d been trying and I played them the song and sure enough…

–Eat Gourmet Foods, Madison Avenue

Hipster guy: Two black guys fucking two white bitches on Martin Luther King day. That shit’s trippy. I bet that was what that whole “I have a dream” shit was really about. The right to fuck white bitches.

–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd

Teen girl: …You know they didn’t have guns back then…But if they did, Jesus would have shot them niggas.

–Williamsburg

Girl #1: Did you see those other glasses I tried on?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: I looked like Amelia Earhart.

–Charlotte Russe, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Andrea West

Guy #1: Dude, all this Groundhog Day shit is bullshit. It is impossible for something to not have a shadow. All things that move have shadows. If it don’t move, then it don’t have a shadow. Groundhog Day is bullshit.
Guy #2: Dude, you’re a dumbass. Only living things have shadows.

–5th Avenue & 9th Street

Overheard by: Kori Hensell

Girl #1: So, I think I’m gonna name my kid Senator. Isn’t that great? I’m going to name him Senator, but he won’t have to ever aspire to anything. Imagine in, like, third grade: Senator Nelson!
Girl #2: Ha, ha! I think I want to name my kid Does.
Girl #1: Would you spell it D-o-e-s?
Girl #2: Yeah, totally. Isn’t that a great name?
Girl #1: I’m going to have either a kid or a monkey named Chimapate.

–3rd & B

Overheard by: Jenya

Little boy #1: Can I have that dinosaur?
Little boy #2: Only if you guess what number I have in my head, under 10, okay? Under 10!
Little boy #1: Eleven?
Little boy #2: No, under 10!
Little boy #1: A hundred?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: The Avalanches

Queer: What’s missionary?
Chick: Like regular.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Drunk chick: We are in the business together, so you give me your project and I’ll give you a fuck.
Guy: A fuck?
Drunk chick: Yeah, ’cause I love my job that much…I’m like, 130%…no, wait…140% into my work.
Guy: Really?
Drunk chick: Dude, I’m all about the art.

–Employees Only, Hudson Street

Crazy lady: Yo! Uh…man!
Hot dog guy: Yes?
Crazy lady: Why aren’t you serving me?
Hot dog guy: I just placed your order, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Well I used to work in immigration, so you best be doing that shit quick like right? Shit, I was immigration, okay? I know people, all right?
Hot dog guy: Like who?
Queer: Kenneth Cole?
Crazy lady: No! I know Diedre. Now don’t be playing these crazy mindgames with me! I’m prepared. I have a gun.
Hot dog guy: That’s very nice. That’ll be 5.98 total, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Fuck you. I’m gone now. You can’t see me!
Queer: Faggot, just go away.

–Papaya King, 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Ben Bleiberg