Girl: Where’s the bathroom?
She tries to open the door to the conductor’s box.
Girl: Who’s in there? I have to use the bathroom!
–1 train uptown
Overheard by: jonathan renshon
Girl: Where’s the bathroom?
She tries to open the door to the conductor’s box.
Girl: Who’s in there? I have to use the bathroom!
–1 train uptown
Overheard by: jonathan renshon
Man on cell: I tried to call you yesterday but you weren’t home. Where were you? What? Colonoscopy? Did he at least buy you flowers and talk dirty to you? Sorry, yeah that was out of line. I’ll cut the crap now. Oh, ha, ha, I just made an unintended pun. No…no, sorry, man…hello? Hello?
–Penn Station, LIRR waiting area
Urinal user: Hey!
Stall user: Yeah?
Urinal user: You doing number one in there?
Stall user: Um . . . yeah.
Urinal user: Good! Because if you’re talking when you’re doing number two it don’t come out right.
–87th & 1st
Woman: Oh my God, is there a bathroom at the next stop? I just felt the rumblings of the Communist invasion, and I’m less than prepared.
Man: Fucking tourist.
–F train
Overheard by: Rachel Bloch
Guy #1: I just left a major deposit sitting in that toilet.
Guy #2: You didn’t flush it?
Guy #1: It was an automatic flusher and nothing happened. There was a guy waiting to go in and I just gave him a shit-eating grin when I walked out. I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Guy #2: I wouldn’t use the term “shit-eating grin” the next time you tell that story.
–Penn Station
Guy: [something in Spanish]… how do you say “altar boy”? You know, the ones whose little dicks the priest sucks?
–7th & Ave A
Overheard by: Jenny B
Old man: What?
Old lady: [silence]
Old man: What?
Old lady: She said “Reefer,” not “queefer”!
Old man: What’s the difference?
Thug: The smell.
–3 train
A little boy is eating a chocolate Easter bunny.
Mom: Don’t eat too much of that. You’ll get diarrhea.
Little boy: But I like diarrhea.
–4 train
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Teen girl #1: Do you ever have to fart really badly in class?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, like today. I ate a PowerBar and I’ve had to shit like crazy so I keep farting.
Teen girl #1: But you can’t do it in class ’cause then it smells and people know it’s you.
Teen girl #2: You can stick dryer sheets in your pants and then it doesn’t smell as much.
Teen girl #3: But how do you keep them in there?
Teen girl #2: Well, if your pants are tight enough, where they gonna go?
Teen girl #1: Or sometimes you can ask to go to the bathroom and when you stand up your ass cheeks squeeze together and you can’t fart.
Teen girl #2: But in the two seconds before you’re standing you can’t control it, then you fart.
Teen girl #1: Damn it, I have to take a shit.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Guy #1: Man, what kind of dog is that?
Guy #2: I don’t know, but it shits a lot.
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: LoJo
