Woman: I thought you liked the smell of poop?
Little girl: Only fresh poop!
–118th & Malcolm X
Overheard by: sk
Woman: I thought you liked the smell of poop?
Little girl: Only fresh poop!
–118th & Malcolm X
Overheard by: sk
Old man, to man who has just sneezed on him: Fuck you, you shithead! Ya goddamn farthole!
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Jeremy Tortora
Crazy guy: And I’m just gonna take a shit in his fucking mouth.
–9th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Old man, to dog: Shit already, damnit! Do you hear me?! Shit already!
–51st & 8th
Lady: Ewww! It smells like someone made a dump!
Bum shrugs.
–Queens Blvd, Forest Hills
Fat, middle-aged female crossing guard: Every time I do that I shit the bed.
–29th St & 30th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: JimmyJohn
Guy: I’ve pissed the bed before. Hell, [gesturing towards girl] I’ve pissed on her!
–48th & 8th
Girl: Gross man, you eating White Castle. Nasty.
Guy: Yeah girl, these is good. I love them.
Girl: Guess you won’t be loving them when the next time you take a shit, your liver comes out too.
Guy: Man, why you hatin’ on White Castle?
Girl: You’ll see.
–124th & St. Nicholas
Overheard by: Fred Humphrey
Suit on headset: You know, I have been so gassy lately.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: yum
Suit on cell: Hey, I found this guy I thought I’d fix you up with, but I talked to Elliot and he said he wouldn’t cross the street to piss on him, he’s an ethical scumbag… Yeah, I know that’s what everybody says about Elliott.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Ken
White dude: I’m blacker than the fucking poops you shit, son!
–Ditmas Ave
Latina: Shit, where’d all these white people come from?
–Ludlow St
Overheard by: Caroline McGraw
NYU chick: Oh my god, I think it was the worst night of my life. When they found me, I was passed out on the toilet with my pant around my ankles. I’d thrown up into them.
–Attorney & Houston
Yuppie mom: Do you think my baby is old enough to do yoga?
–Union & Henry, Red Hook
Pregnant woman on cell: Mom, I gotta go. I can’t find Jason and I need to take him home before he plays Hide and Go Soil Yourself behind the stuffer machine.
–Build-A-Bear, 5th & 46th
Overheard by: Anna Lindgren
Girl: Oh my god. Don’t even mention his name to me. I hate him so much.
Guy: You mean hate him like you’d wanna set him on fire hate him?
Girl: I mean hate him like I wouldn’t even shit on him if someone else set him on fire.
Guy: Uh… I believe the phrase is “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”.
Girl: Yeah, whatever. It’s all the same when you’re lactose-intolerant.
–Greenwich Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: happy milk drinker
