Girl #1: My tits feel weird.
Girl #2: What do you mean?
Girl #1: I did Party Tits at the share this weekend.
Girl #2: What??
Girl #1: Party Tits. You get saline injected into them, and they get really big. It wears off in a few days. The guys love it.
–Subway platform, Fulton St
Girl, during auction for Haiti: I want to motorboat Susan Sarandon. Can I bid on that?
Guy: I don't see why not. It's pretty much like a handshake, except between your face and her tits.
–SPIN NY
Columbia student volunteer: So, who knows what soy milk is?
Fourth grade girls: [Silence.]Columbia student volunteer: Well, soy milk tastes like milk, but it’s made with beans.
Fourth grader: Hold the phone — beans has titties?
–P.S. 125
Overheard by: alexandra
Man pushing stroller: Do we have a bottle?
Bitchy wife: No, we have my breasts.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Aaron Padwee
Headline by: Danny
Runners-Up:
· “I Can’t Beat You With Those” – Digeridude
· “I Meant for the Baby.” – thisdaydreamer
· “Shall I Preheat Them For You?” – Mike Curry
· “They’re in the Diaper Bag” – Bri
· “Well Pop a Top, Beeyotch!” – Pozo
Girl: Have you seen my mom’s titties?
–A train
Overheard by: Matt Gossett
Preppy guy: Libertarianism has nothing to do with showing your breasts.
–Uncle Ming’s, Avenue B
Overheard by: Djlindee
Artsy girlfriend: Ooh, I smell art!
Artsy boyfriend: I see boobs.
(they giggle and kiss gleefully)
–Natural History Museum
Teen girl #1: I hate you. Your boobs are always so cute and perky!
Teen girl #2: Yeah, but when I’m not wearing a bra, they’re like…down to my navel.
–Kew Gardens
Girl #1: How was babysitting yesterday?
Girl #2: Pretty good, but all of a sudden, in the middle of the park, the kid I was watching begins to breastfeed her doll… (silence) I'm not kidding.
Girl #1: Wow, that's fucked up.
–Barneys Co-Op, Spring St
Girl: Y’know Catalina who works upstairs? The one with the really big breasts? Whenever it’s a customer’s birthday, she pulls her shirt down, attaches matches to her nipples and lights the cake with them while singing, ‘Happy Birthday.’
Guy: Are her nipples made of wood or something?
Girl: I don’t know. All I know is when I turn around, they’re on fire!
–Uptown N, 23rd St
Overheard by: Jatmos
