Mr. Smith* (lifting student's backpack) That's overloaded. You need to get a boyfriend to carry that for you.
Student: I don't need a boyfriend.
Mr. Smith: Then find some sucker to carry it for you.
Student: I'm my own sucker!
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: The Happy Hippie
Teen chick: Move!
Teen guy: Move? Yeah, fuck grammar, we're in a hurry!
Teen chick: Y'know, if you weren't such a cunt you coulda had me!
Teen guy: I'll just fuck you while you're sleeping then.
Teen chick: Oh my god, that would be so hot!
–NYU
Overheard by: Guy With A Nonder
Guy #1: You know, I really did love her. It just wasn't going to work out.
Guy #2: I'm so sorry, man.
Guy #1: It's okay. I have time to go to the gym now.
–N Train
Overheard by: ltrain
Chick holding shopping bags: Oh my god! Stan! I haven't seen you in like forever!
Chick's ex: Yeah, I've been pretty busy. Shacking up with girls, the like…you know. (chick eyes him over for some time) I look fantastic, don't I? (walks away)
–W 4th & 6th
Overheard by: friend of the ex
Drunk chick: Come on, run with me…please.
Guy: No.
Drunk chick: I'm running.
Guy: Don't.
Drunk chick: This is me drunk, if you can't handle this you can't marry me!
–8th Ave & 31st St
Redhead: It's not that he lies to get girls into bed, it's just that, you know, he doesn't always tell the truth.
Brunette: Did he lie to get you into bed?
Redhead: Well, yeah, but I was gonna sleep with him anyway.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Old man: Because you know I love only you.
Young woman: I love you, too.
Random guy walking by: No he doesn't, he just wants your pussy.
–E Train
Overheard by: Ting
Unenthusiastic 20-something girl: So, uh, he’s officially my boyfriend now.
Friend: So does that mean you are officially putting out now?
–49th St & 8th Ave
Headline by: kk
Runners-Up:
· “Facebook Decides to Expand the ‘It’s Complicated’ Option” – betty
· “I Guess I’m Officially Cheating on Him Now Too” – Chris
· “No, He’s Still Getting Laid Under the Table” – Professor Coldheart
· “No, That’s Still Unofficial. I’m Catholic.” – c
· “Once My PR Puts Out the Media Release.” – winnie
· “When Government Overregulates” – Vasyl
Underage brunette: So, do you want to go somewhere else? I kind of want to stay because that guy is so hot!
Underage blonde: No, I want to stay here because my ID works here and I'm afraid to go somewhere else. Yeah, he is hot, it's weird that he's ignoring you.
Underage brunette: I know, right? I just want to go home with him tonight.
Underage blonde: Well, when we hooked up we had sex four times that night, you know?
Underage brunette: Yeah, I guess I need to get a little more drunk. Let's go.
–Bathroom, Heartland Brewery, Empire State Building
Overheard by: nycResident
Ghetto lady #1: He better be agreeing to giving me babies, cuz my eggs ain't be making no sperm.
Ghetto lady #2 (with hands on hips): Ummmm hmmmmm.
–45th & Park Ave
Overheard by: CC
