A Wednesday in Need Is a One-Liner Indeed

Angry man on cell: I need a friend in my life! Do you hear me?! …I don't care! I'm not leaving my wife for anyone!

–Roosevelt Ave, Flushing

Overheard by: oh, you thought my ipod was on

Girl to friend: Tomorrow I'm finally unpacking and I'm buying a new sundress to wear on Sunday when I go out to brunch with my new love interest. But he doesn't know that's the direction our friendship is headed.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Older woman with teased black hair on cell: But Frank, I don't want you to write a song about me. I want things to be as they were, friends when we were normal. Don't write me a song.

–Staten Island Ferry

Girl to friend: Well, I'm friends with him too and I didn't sleep with him.

–Shake Shack, Union Square

Girl to friend: I'm willing to let you sleep with my best friend and you still want more?

–W 31 & 6th

Overheard by: misery

Angry woman on cell: And then he told this complete stranger, "My ex-wife had lesbian lovers! My ex-wife slept with young boys!" We've been divorced for six years and he's still talking shit about me, but he says he wants to be friends?!

–2nd St & Ave A

Overheard by: voidoid

Posted on September 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Marriage, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Queens, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Starbucks, Staten Island Ferry, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Phone Home

20-something woman: Why do I have a phone number for "Shrek" in my phone?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Poogins

Older, bald man on phone: Mom! I told you, you don't have to call me everyday. Just call me once a month…to see if I'm alive!

–Times Square

40-something suit on cell: You know what would be fine, mom? If you just stopped calling. That'd be fine! Just fine! Of course I want to hear from you, but just stop calling. It's over. Over. Don't call no more.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Oedipus

Crazy lady on cell (at the top of her lungs): Yo, douchebag! Where are my fucking children? I want to see my children. You owe my $10,000 in child support. And you know what? They're not even your kids! Ha! Oh, and my phone's dead.

–AirTrain

White girl on phone: Well, on the phone he doesn't even sound black. So just introduce him to your parents over the phone…

–28th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vanessa

Lunching lady: She's 718, acts like she's 212…but really, she's so 516!

–4 Train

Overheard by: JC

Posted on September 10, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Death, Girls, Insults, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Park Slope, Questions, Race, Relationships, Suits, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, White People, Women

I Sell Myself Magic Beans Every Morning

Mr. Smith* (lifting student's backpack) That's overloaded. You need to get a boyfriend to carry that for you.
Student: I don't need a boyfriend.
Mr. Smith: Then find some sucker to carry it for you.
Student: I'm my own sucker!

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: The Happy Hippie

Posted on August 31, 2008
Advice, Battery Park, Default, Diet/Weight, Offers and requests, Relationships, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

One of the Many Perks Of Dating a Kennedy

Teen chick: Move!
Teen guy: Move? Yeah, fuck grammar, we're in a hurry!
Teen chick: Y'know, if you weren't such a cunt you coulda had me!
Teen guy: I'll just fuck you while you're sleeping then.
Teen chick: Oh my god, that would be so hot!

–NYU

Overheard by: Guy With A Nonder

Posted on August 24, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, NYU, Relationships, Sexuality, Students, Teens

How to Come Out to Your Friends in One Easy Step

Guy #1: You know, I really did love her. It just wasn't going to work out.
Guy #2: I'm so sorry, man.
Guy #1: It's okay. I have time to go to the gym now.

–N Train

Overheard by: ltrain

Posted on August 23, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fitness, Guys, Love, On the Subway, Relationships, Time, Weirdness

You May Have Broken Up With Me, But at Least I Don't Use the Phrase “Shacking Up”

Chick holding shopping bags: Oh my god! Stan! I haven't seen you in like forever!
Chick's ex: Yeah, I've been pretty busy. Shacking up with girls, the like…you know. (chick eyes him over for some time) I look fantastic, don't I? (walks away)

–W 4th & 6th

Overheard by: friend of the ex

Posted on August 23, 2008
Breaking Up, Default, Girls, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness, West Village

Some First Dates Go Better Than Others

Drunk chick: Come on, run with me…please.
Guy: No.
Drunk chick: I'm running.
Guy: Don't.
Drunk chick: This is me drunk, if you can't handle this you can't marry me!

–8th Ave & 31st St

Posted on August 23, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Offers and requests, Relationships

He Said I Was Beautiful

Redhead: It's not that he lies to get girls into bed, it's just that, you know, he doesn't always tell the truth.
Brunette: Did he lie to get you into bed?
Redhead: Well, yeah, but I was gonna sleep with him anyway.

–NJ Transit, Penn Station

Posted on August 22, 2008
Default, Friends, Girls, Lies, Penn Station, Relationships, Sex

Few Men Are Able to Do the Math on That

Old man: Because you know I love only you.
Young woman: I love you, too.
Random guy walking by: No he doesn't, he just wants your pussy.

–E Train

Overheard by: Ting

Posted on August 21, 2008
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Lies, Love, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Relationships, Sex, Strangers, Women

I Knew There Had to be Downsides to Dating a Public Notary…

Unenthusiastic 20-something girl: So, uh, he’s officially my boyfriend now.
Friend: So does that mean you are officially putting out now?

–49th St & 8th Ave

Headline by: kk

Runners-Up:
· “Facebook Decides to Expand the ‘It’s Complicated’ Option” – betty
· “I Guess I’m Officially Cheating on Him Now Too” – Chris
· “No, He’s Still Getting Laid Under the Table” – Professor Coldheart
· “No, That’s Still Unofficial. I’m Catholic.” – c
· “Once My PR Puts Out the Media Release.” – winnie
· “When Government Overregulates” – Vasyl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on August 21, 2008
Friends, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Relationships, Sexuality

Relationships