College guy to eight-year-old boy: Is that your girlfriend? (points to eight-year-old girl playing in sprinklers)
Eight-year-old boy: No, I just like to get her wet.
–Central Park Playground
College guy to eight-year-old boy: Is that your girlfriend? (points to eight-year-old girl playing in sprinklers)
Eight-year-old boy: No, I just like to get her wet.
–Central Park Playground
Middle-aged woman (excitedly): So I met a great 75-year old man!
Middle-aged man (also excitedly): Are you going to marry him?
–W 13th St b/w 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: NYU girl
Woman screaming into cell: I hate fucking with you!
Man loitering near by scaffolding: Yo ma! Cut him loose. There's a million men in New York City.
–125th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Tizz
Hobo #1: So then she said she just wanted to be friends, and I was like, “What do you mean by “friends?” Like shake-hands friends? Cause I don't need friends to shake hands with. I'm looking for pussy.”
Hobo #2: Haha, what did she say?
Hobo #1: Well, I dunno, she hasn't called back yet.
–Union Square
UES middle aged lady #1: Oh hi! I haven't seen you in so long! How are you?
UES middle aged lady #2: Not so great, my husband just told me he's gay.
–Duane Reade, 1st & 72nd
Angry man on cell: I need a friend in my life! Do you hear me?! …I don't care! I'm not leaving my wife for anyone!
–Roosevelt Ave, Flushing
Overheard by: oh, you thought my ipod was on
Girl to friend: Tomorrow I'm finally unpacking and I'm buying a new sundress to wear on Sunday when I go out to brunch with my new love interest. But he doesn't know that's the direction our friendship is headed.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Older woman with teased black hair on cell: But Frank, I don't want you to write a song about me. I want things to be as they were, friends when we were normal. Don't write me a song.
–Staten Island Ferry
Girl to friend: Well, I'm friends with him too and I didn't sleep with him.
–Shake Shack, Union Square
Girl to friend: I'm willing to let you sleep with my best friend and you still want more?
–W 31 & 6th
Overheard by: misery
Angry woman on cell: And then he told this complete stranger, "My ex-wife had lesbian lovers! My ex-wife slept with young boys!" We've been divorced for six years and he's still talking shit about me, but he says he wants to be friends?!
–2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: voidoid
20-something woman: Why do I have a phone number for "Shrek" in my phone?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Poogins
Older, bald man on phone: Mom! I told you, you don't have to call me everyday. Just call me once a month…to see if I'm alive!
–Times Square
40-something suit on cell: You know what would be fine, mom? If you just stopped calling. That'd be fine! Just fine! Of course I want to hear from you, but just stop calling. It's over. Over. Don't call no more.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Oedipus
Crazy lady on cell (at the top of her lungs): Yo, douchebag! Where are my fucking children? I want to see my children. You owe my $10,000 in child support. And you know what? They're not even your kids! Ha! Oh, and my phone's dead.
–AirTrain
White girl on phone: Well, on the phone he doesn't even sound black. So just introduce him to your parents over the phone…
–28th & Broadway
Overheard by: Vanessa
Lunching lady: She's 718, acts like she's 212…but really, she's so 516!
–4 Train
Overheard by: JC
Mr. Smith* (lifting student's backpack) That's overloaded. You need to get a boyfriend to carry that for you.
Student: I don't need a boyfriend.
Mr. Smith: Then find some sucker to carry it for you.
Student: I'm my own sucker!
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: The Happy Hippie
Teen chick: Move!
Teen guy: Move? Yeah, fuck grammar, we're in a hurry!
Teen chick: Y'know, if you weren't such a cunt you coulda had me!
Teen guy: I'll just fuck you while you're sleeping then.
Teen chick: Oh my god, that would be so hot!
–NYU
Overheard by: Guy With A Nonder
Guy #1: You know, I really did love her. It just wasn't going to work out.
Guy #2: I'm so sorry, man.
Guy #1: It's okay. I have time to go to the gym now.
–N Train
Overheard by: ltrain
