Woman #1: He divorced his second wife while she was undergoing cancer treatment. Who does that?
Woman #2: The same kind of man that marries Sarah Jessica Parker.
–Metro North, Grand Central
Woman #1: He divorced his second wife while she was undergoing cancer treatment. Who does that?
Woman #2: The same kind of man that marries Sarah Jessica Parker.
–Metro North, Grand Central
College chick #1: … And then three guys almost raped her.
College chick #2: Three?! Did they take turns?
College chick #1: Oh, they took turns.
College chick #2: Taking turns is for lame rapists.
–120th & Claremont
Overheard by: invisiblemooses
Mom: That’s the moon!
Little boy: That’s not called the moon! That’s called an impending alien invasion!
–Columbia University
Hipster #1: I’ll ask Gary.
Hipster #2: Gary got fired. He was robbed at gunpoint when he went to buy drugs.
Hipster #1: And he got fired for that? How did his boss know?
Hipster #2: Well, people talk, you know, so the boss called Gary in and asked him straight out if he got robbed while buying drugs.
Hipster #1: And Gary admitted it?
Hipster #2: Nah, he said, ‘I wasn’t robbed, I kicked that motherfucker’s ass.’
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Woman #1: Oh, and he bought a cow.
Woman #2: He bought a cow?!
Woman #1: He just went off and bought a cow!
Woman #2: Huh… What he need a cow for?
–110th & Lenox
Woman: I said, ‘You know — percussion,’ and she said, ‘What’s that? Like, horns?’
Man: Wow. And she’s the assistant for Stewart Copeland?
–Elevator, Union Square
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Youth #1: Man, I’m just jokin’.
Youth #2: Yeah, but every joke has some truth in it.
Youth #1: Where’d you hear that? Who said it?
Youth #2: I don’t know… Confucius.
Youth #1: Confucius didn’t say that! Confucius didn’t make jokes! He was a serious dude!
–Queens-bound F train
Overheard by: jb
Guy #1: You know Frank Zappa, right?
Guy #2: Not personally.
Guy #1: Well, he’s dead, but you know who he is?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well, you know his song, ‘Suzie Creamcheese’? Apparently, my dad fucked Suzie Creamcheese.
Guy #2: For real, or just in his head, like an old-guy fantasy?
Guy #1: For real — I have it from two different sources.
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: thew
Dude #1: Mike’s always talking about how he has no gag reflex.
Dude #2: Would you let him blow you?
Dude #1: Fuck no, I’m not gay!
Dude #2: Blow jobs don’t have a gender.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: chelsea
Customer: That guy? He was in a production of Fiddler on the Roof with me!
Bartender: Really? I thought he had Tourette’s!
Customer: Oh, he does.
–Bar, 14th St & 7th Ave
