Twig #1: I was feeling like a fatty, so I just ate a hard-boiled egg with some flaxseed this morning.
Twig #2: No, I’m a fatty! Was it ground flaxseed?
Twig #1: Of course!
Twig #2: Good girl!
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Twig #1: I was feeling like a fatty, so I just ate a hard-boiled egg with some flaxseed this morning.
Twig #2: No, I’m a fatty! Was it ground flaxseed?
Twig #1: Of course!
Twig #2: Good girl!
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
NYU guy: Wait, so was it cocaine? It was cocaine, right?
Random girl at another table: Are you guys talking about Anna Nicole?
NYU guy: Yes! I missed the press conference! I feel, like, so irresponsible for not keeping up.
–Starbucks, Astor Pl
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Girl student #1: Fuck Piaget!
Girl student #2: Dude! Children!
–Starbucks, Union Square West
Overheard by: ninja z
Mother to lady behind her: I mean, I’m not going to eat one, but like, I don’t know — it’s Starbucks! They have those coffees that are just, like, so fucking good. I’m here to get one of those mocha chip things that are, like, totally 600 calories, but I mean, why would someone not have one of them? They are, like, so totally good. I mean, what — are you supposed to be like a fucking stick [holds up pinky]? I mean, I work out for, like, three hours a day so I can have one of these. I’m a mother of two young kids. I look so good, right?! I cook my own cupcakes, so, I mean, I def would never eat one from Starbucks. They just sit there all day. Ew, gross. I make my own cupcakes with applesauce, of course, because you know, my kids shouldn’t be fat because of me. Right? But like, I don’t understand why people wouldn’t have a mocha chip latte or whatever the fuck they’re called. I mean, it is why people work out, right?
Lady behind her: Um, maybe?
–Starbucks, 27th & 6th
Male coworker: … And that’s how I lost all feeling in my fingers.
Female coworker: Man, that’s fucked up.
Male coworker: I am fucked up. I used to try and have four different personalities.
Female coworker: I remember that. You still doing that shit?
Male coworker: Only with my girlfriend.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Jacqui
Teen girl exploring her purse: Band-Aids, tampons… Basically, a lot of things to stop bleeding.
Teen boy staring: Ew, gross.
–Starbucks, Union Square
Guy on cell: No, no, no! He said they came to search him and he swallowed it.
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Teen girl at human limbs exhibit: Hmmm, I’m hungry.
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Frat boy on cell: I miss you, baby. I love ya. I want to taste your saliva. Call me later when you’re drunk.
–University Pl & 14th St
Overheard by: Erin
Bimbette lighting a cigarette: This probably isn’t what I should be having for breakfast.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Man on cell: Have you talked about coating her in peanut butter and jelly and eating her like a sandwich? No? Okay.
–Starbucks, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: MmmSandwich
Mom: Who’s the yummiest baby in the world? Is it you? Are you super-duper yummy?
–115th St & Broadway
Friendly male barista: Hi, what can I do you for?
Stoner #1: I’m not a fuckin’ queer, man.
Stoner #2: Yeah, man. And even if he was, he’d be mine!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: The girl in line behind this guy
Girl #1: Britney really needs to stop showing her hoo-ha all over Hollywood.
Girl #2: Seriously. If I see one more picture of her vag, I’ll vomit.
Girl #1: What, her mother didn’t teach her to put on panties?
Girl #2: Or get out of a car without showing her cooter?
Girl #3: I was on Perez Hilton dot com the other day, and they fully had pictures of her in all her glory.
Girl #2: Oh my god, was it bald? I heard it actually looked nice and neat.
Girl #3: Yeah, I guess it was okay. One of the nicer ones I’ve seen.
Guy at next table on cell: What? … Oh, sorry honey. No, I’m paying attention to you. I’m just at Starbucks, and some girls were, uh… talking really loud at the next table.
–Starbucks, Union Square
