Wednesday One-Liners Bring a Dripping, Burning Sensation

High school chick: You can totally get rid of syphilis with a pill. I know, because my boyfriend gave it to me.

–Gravy Restaurant, Brooklyn

Hipster to friend: If it’s me we’re talking about, I’d rather have HIV than syphilis. But that’s just me.

–Norfolk & Rivington

Overheard by: passerby

Teen girl on cell: There’s no way I’m inviting her to my Sweet Sixteen. I mean, she gave my brother herpes!

–Urban Outfitters, Soho

JAP on cell: Ummm… Some crazy lady just threw her coffee all over my legs. You don’t think I’ll get AIDS, do you?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Christina

Old lady on cell: Well, HIV isn’t contagious…

–JFK

WASP lady on cell: Woo-hoo! Herpes! Mexican herpes! Yay!

–57th & Madison

Overheard by: benvolio

Excited white gangsta: … And all’s they did was take some blood from the baby and sees that it had gonorrhea, and I was cleared!

–148th & 3rd, Bronx

Posted on August 29, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, STDs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Ask Their Doctors about Valtrex

White girl: I hear you, sister. Why can’t I have genital warts just like everybody else?!

–Mambi, 177th & Broadway

Lady suit: He’s like, ‘There’s a new chemically-resistant strain of gonorrhea going around…’ He said it’s beginning to seriously affect his choice of lifestyle.

–5h Ave

Chick on cell: Well, my mom has the clap and my dad has herpes, so I don’t know what that means for me.

–Graham & Conselyea, Brooklyn

Overheard by: imeyer

Lady on cell: I have had this cold for, like, two weeks now. I don’t know — maybe I have AIDS.

–28 bus, Flushing Main St

Woman on cell: It’s not AIDS. No, Mom, I don’t have gonorrhea, either. It’s just some STD — they just don’t know what yet.

–Bank of America, 86th & Lex

Overheard by: Visiting Bostonian

Office girl: … So I say to him, ‘I’m not the one who’s going around giving everyone herpes!’ And he said, ‘I don’t see how that affects either one of us!’ And at that point I snapped and just went off on him.

–47th & 3rd

Guy to girlfriend who stepped in huge, dirty puddle: Ewww, you just stepped in AIDS!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: Emily Leonard

Posted on July 4, 2007
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, STDs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

He Can Just Keep His Secaucus to Himself

Drunk babe #1: I am definitely not going to have sex with him. He fucks a bitch from New Jersey.
Drunk babe #2: Oh, well, then maybe you shouldn’t have sex with him.
Drunk babe #1: I know, right? They have their own, like, breeds of STDs out in fucking Jersey.

–Outside Soho Grand Hotel

Overheard by: Drunk Guy

Posted on May 14, 2007
Drunks, Hotels, Sex, STDs, U.S. Geography

No Request Is Too Extreme

Girl #1: Thanks, I like being wished on. Well, not wished on, but wished for.
Girl #2: I was wished on in Mexico…
Girl #1, after long pause: Was it the same guy that gave you herpes?

–N train

Overheard by: i thought it was funny….

Posted on April 27, 2007
Friends, On the Subway, STDs

We Now Present This Public Service Announcement

Dude #1: So, why did you break up with her?
Dude #2: Because she got herpes.
Dude #1: What?! You gave it to her!
Dude #2: Yeah, I know, but it’s different — herpes is gross with girls. It’s like a battle wound for guys, though.

–Slipper Room

Posted on April 17, 2007
Assholes, Bars & Clubs, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Players, STDs, Talking/Convos

Oh, and the Kid

20-ish girl: Oh my god, your backpack has your initials on it!
20-ish dude: What? It’s from high school…
20-ish girl: Jesus. The only thing I have from high school is herpes.

–41st & Broadway

Overheard by: june

Posted on April 15, 2007
Girls, Guys, Nostalgia, STDs, Times Square

Diseased Vengeance Sex Is the Best

Girl: I’m so pissed at him… I’m gonna wait until my herpes show up and have sex with him.
Friend: Yeah, good idea. Do it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on April 1, 2007
Anger Management, Biotechs, Sex, STDs, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Missed That Week in Health Class

Boy to friends: Last one to the car has herpes!

–Hylan Blvd, Staten Island

NYU co-ed to another: You gotta put on your STD face!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jatmos

Drunk girl yelling at drunk guy down the street: I’m pretty sure I haven’t contracted anything from anyone tonight!

–12th & 3rd

20-something chick: How come all the nice guys I meet always have some sort of STD?

–Lincoln Center

Drunk NYU chick: You’re gay and you go to NYU — there’s no reason why your love life shouldn’t be flourishing… except AIDS.

–Union Square

Overheard by: that guy

Blonde: Just because you have syphilis doesn’t mean I have to listen to you!

–Max Breener’s Chocolate Shop, Union Square

Overheard by: Eskimo Child

Chick on cell: Brian? I love Brian… even though he gave me the herpe.

–E 9th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Raven

Posted on March 28, 2007
Age/Aging, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Illness, STDs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

And College Is All Paid For

Obnoxious teen #1: Oh my god! You like her? She’s a whore!
Obnoxious teen #2: Ummm… She’s in my math class, you know. She’s really smart.
Obnoxious teen #1: Smart and a whore. That just means she won’t get an STD.

–Nail salon, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Samideluxe