STDs

Teen guy #1: And that was the third time I got syphilis!
(they enter store, then leave)
Teen guy #2: So, tell me about the second time.

–Metro North Station

Overheard by: theslyvegan and co

Little girl: … And then she said that I had herpes.
Woman #1: Coño.
Woman #2: Where do kids get this stuff?

–Lincoln Center

Guy, during pillow fight: I’m afraid my pillow has all these STDs now!
Girl: Hellooo, you can’t transmit STDs pillow-to-pillow!

–Union Square

Girl #1 (in bodega): Oooh, can I have a little taste of that?
Girl #2: Lick my crabs!

–133rd & Amsterdam

Grimey punk guy: I don't get what your problem is.
Grimey punk girl: Well, the reason my pussy smells like fish is probably because you gave me a yeast infection.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Tommy

NYU girl: I'm not surprised that she has mono. I mean, she's been a slut for a while now. It was bound to catch up with her.
Friend: Yeah, she's a reverse jukebox.
NYU girl: A what?
Friend: You know how you put money into a jukebox and it makes noise? Guys put their dicks in her to make her shut the fuck up.

–NYU Silver Center

Girl to friend: Whenever I get a really big booger, I feed it to the dog.

–Apartment Building, Midtown

Girl: And the doctor asked if she'd gone down on anyone lately, and she said "yeah, and when I was doing it, all these little bumps kept falling off in my mouth," and the doctor said "you have genital warts in your throat."

–L Train

Overheard by: atrain

Man on cell: And he opened a can of worms, ate the whole thing and then spit it all into his friend's mouth. We were dry heaving. But everyone just looked at us weird.

–1st & 15th

Overheard by: Angela

Preteen boy on cell: (belches) Huh? (belches again, loudly) What did you say? I can't hear you, I'm burping.

–77th & 2nd

Girl to friend: My dad would say, "don't send her chocolate, it makes mucus."

–W 24th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Concerned male friend: Well, aren't you afraid of gettin' like, an STD or something? Don't you use condoms?
Confused teen girl: Well, we did the first few times, but then we didn't. I mean, he's been coming inside me for like a year now and nothin' ever happened. (points to belly, implying she's pregnant)
Concerned male friend: And how old is he again? How old are you?
Confused teen girl: He's 18. I'm 16–almost 17.
Concerned male friend: Damn, I don't know. This is fucked up. What you gonna do when you wanna go out? Like with your friends and shit.
Confused teen girl: I'll take my baby with me!

–E Train

Headline by: Erica Neumann

Runners-Up:
· “$5 Says You Guys Don’t Get a Single Non-Palin Headline on This One” – twoferrets
· “Ju No What I’m Talking About?” – Barry P.
· “My Breast-milk Is Gonna Be, Like, Fifty Percent Jägermeister…” – Who Doesn’t Love A Drunken Infant?
· “That Thing Is Gonna Need One Hell Of a Fake I.D.” – MJP
· “There’s a Bristol Palin Joke Here Somewhere…” – S-Train
· “You Know, Like One Of Those Elmo Backpacks?” – All by myself.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Dude to another: Yeah, but she got a yeast infection from sitting around naked on muffins all day.

–Union Square

Overheard by: chris

Artsy guy on cell: No, no, she’s not naked… But you want to see her naked!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Flight attendant: Your pilot for the flight today is Buck Naked. Your first officer is Justin Case. That’s just in case Buck Naked decides to get buck wild.

–LaGuardia

Dude: I heard that all they do there is have sex and drink beer… And have naked snowball fights.

–41st & 7th

Guy #1: So… You’re saying you got herpes?
Guy #2: That’s what I’m sayin’! I ain’t even messed around or nothin’!

–Penn Station