Guy: Dude, is it just me, or does it hurt when you pee too?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Kris

Fat guy: So, you think she’s going to dump you?
Skinny guy: Yeah, she doesn’t seem to like the gonorrhea. It just keeps coming back!
Fat guy: Well, that’s the thing with gonorrhea.

–Walgreens, 18th & 1st

Overheard by: Trying Not To Laugh

Upset man: Wow, you lied to me about everything. I don't know anything about you. (pause) Is there anything you didn't lie to me about?
Liar girl: Just one thing, I really am from Georgia.
Upset man: (eyes widen)
Liar girl: And I don't have an STD! Seriously! No, really. Seriously.

–Cafe Orlin, East Village

Guy #1 peeing in urinal moans loudly.
Guy #2 peeing in urinal: You ok, man?
Guy #1 peeing in urinal: God, I should have used a condom!

–28th & 10th, Crobar

Bi-curious guy to gaggle of girls: He wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror and says, “I hope I don't have herpes.”
Girl #1: Has he gotten tested?
Bi-curious guy: No, he's too afraid.
Girl #2: I would be too if I'd been around that much dirty snatch.
Girl #1: Wouldn't you be able to tell if you had herpes?

–Sheepshead Bay

Sister #1: You know what Auntie Cathy* said last week? She said that, back in the 40’s, Aunt Mary* was a huge slut! She said, and I quote, “She had the clap so many times it amounted to applause.”
Sister #2: And I thought the only hobby she ever had was crocheting those ugly stuffed animals.

–Quizno’s, 14th & 3rd

Queer on blanket: Babe, I can totally have a drink of your water. I don't have gonorrhea anymore. My mouth is clean.
Woman: Ew!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Keith

Girl: I wanted to do something like Jenny On The Block. You know: Jennifer Lopez. My character is really hot, but she looks a little psycho.

–13th St. & 3rd Ave.

Teenage girl: Bitch! I did not give you syphilis. I gave you crabs.

–13th St. & 2nd Ave.

Overheard by: Chris Carter

Asian boy: If I could name you anything, it would be “titty”.

–F train

Overheard by: Nathalie

Sassy lady on cell: I tell you, he got the wrong bitch pregnant!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stunned!

Girl: Ugh, pregnancy would be like, so much worse than gonorrhea.

–John Jay Dining Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: jane

AT&T employee: Yeah, when I had my daughter I actually didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital. See, usually, after you have the baby, you have to pass the placenta. The doctor actually reached up inside me and just pulled it out, just like that. He told me I was fine to go home after that, so I did.

–AT&T Store, Union Square

20-something on cell: But I refused to go down on him…I told him I'm not ready to have a baby. (pause) Of course you can get pregnant by swallowing! Hello? Did you not take sex-ed in high school?

–61st St & Lexington Ave

Woman on cell: It's such a small opening, and it gets torn apart when you have a kid!

–42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Weekender

20-something on cell: But I'm tired of always being pregnant.

–East Village

Overheard by: also tired

Guy on cell: Uh huh, and that’s why you have herpes, dude.

–Outside Gonzalez y Gonzalez

Overheard by: Jaina Wald